Bobbies lips stretched into a thin smile.  At least Carly had someone she
could lean on.  In the tiny amount of time Bobbie had interacted with her
daughter, she could tell that having someone she could trust probably meant
the world to Carly.

Bobbie took a deep breath and braced herself for what she was going to have to
tell
Jason.

"Jason?" she said gingerly.

Jason looked up.  His eyes were rimmed with red from obvious tears.  Bobbies
heart broke for him.  It was clear how much he cared.  She took the seat next
to his, turning her body to face him.

"Carly’s okay," she began, knowing from her experience as a nurse in the ICU
that it was best to tell them exactly what was going on first, and get into
details later.

Jason visibly relaxed, letting out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding.
He smiled a bit, more to encourage Bobbie to go on than anything.

"Jason I have to ask you, and I’m sorry if you think it’s none of my business,
but were you and Carly intimate?"  She blushed a bit at the question, but knew
she needed to be talking to the right person about Carly’s condition.

Jason stared at her, unfazed by the question.  "You mean have we had sex?" he
asked, unabashed at how straightforward he sounded.

Bobbie nodded, blushing a deeper red at this invasion of her daughters
privacy.

Jason nodded too.  "I know you wouldn’t be asking if it didn’t have to do with
what’s
wrong with Carly right?" he asked, his eyes boring into Bobbie.

"That’s right," Bobbie said confidently, breathing a sigh of relief.  "Look,
Jason," she said, putting a hand on his arm before she continued.  "Do you
know if you’re the only person she’s been with lately?"

Bobbie knew how rude the question sounded, but there was really no way for her
to know unless she asked.  And still, she couldn’t be certain, but Carly
wasn’t due to wake up from surgery for at least another ten hours and Jason,
if he was indeed the only person Carly had been intimate with, deserved to
know what had happened.

Jason looked momentarily confused at the question.  He thought for a moment,
trying not to be mad at Bobbie.  It wasn’t her fault.  She didn’t know.  And
truthfully, he didn’t know what Carly did in her spare time either.  But he
knew she didn’t lie to him.

"Yeah, yeah, I am," Jason finally said, his voice quiet  and withdrawn.  He
just wanted to know what was wrong with Carly.  And what them sleeping
together had to do with anything.

Bobbie sucked a sharp breath inward, removing her hand from his arm and
placing it on his back.  She suddenly felt very motherly toward him.  She’d
always felt like an aunt to him,  and Jason Quartermaine had often come to her
for advice.  But now it was all different.  He seemed so tough now, yet so
vulnerable and Bobbie was never sure if she should treat him the way she used
to or as a whole new person.

"Bobbie, tell me what’s wrong with Carly," Jason prompted.

Bobbie hadn’t realized she’d been silent for a long while.  She shook her
head, trying to appear as professional as possible.  "Jason," she began,
clearing her throat and choosing her words carefully. "Carly had a
miscarriage."

Jason froze for a moment, digesting this.  He knew what it meant, he just had
no idea what to think of it.  A brand new lump formed in his throat and he
struggled not to choke on it.  The questions began to flow into his mind.
Luckily Bobbie began to explain before he had to ask.

"She was pregnant, a little over three weeks along.  Her body couldn’t do what
it needed to do to protect a fetus.  There was no way it was going to
survive."

Jason was completely at a loss for words.   He shook his head, putting it back
into his hands.  For some reason he couldn't face her, he couldn't look at
anyone or anything at that moment.  The safest place for him to be was in the
dark, his hands over his eyes so he couldn't see a thing.  So he could pretend
this wasn't happening.

Bobbie began to rub Jason’s back, trying to soothe him.  "I’m sorry, Jason,"
she
murmured, not knowing what else to say.  She had no idea of how close he and
Carly were, or how serious it was, but it seemed like a tragedy none the less.

Jason felt ill.  He needed to get away. Where he could think about what was
going on. He felt like he couldn’t think with other people around.  The
waiting room seemed to be closing in on him.  His breath came in short gasps
as he used his forearms to push himself into a standing position.

"Bobbie," he breathed, feeling desperate, caged.  "I have to go.  I have to
get out of here.  Tell Carly I’ll be back later, please."

Before Bobbie could say a word, she was staring at Jason’s leather jacket as
he
disappeared into the stairwell.

*~*~*

Bobbie watched as Carly struggled in her sleep.  She was having a nightmare
and kept calling out for Jason.  He obviously meant a lot to her, probably as
much as Carly meant to him.  Bobbie thought about this.  She realized how much
sense it made.  Jason had come out of his accident reckless, seemingly
uncaring and aloof.  Monica and Alan had eventually given up on trying to
reach their beloved Jason Quartermaine whom they were convinced was hidden
somewhere deep inside Jason Morgan. He had pushed them so far away that he’d
become a recluse, and all that the Quartermaines could do  was wait and hope
he’d come back to them.  Bobbie doubted if this would ever happen.  Jason was
completely estranged from them, and he seemed to have no desire to become the
son he
had no idea how to be.

Carly was a daughter, like Jason was a son, and she too was completely removed
from that life.  She had no idea how to build a family with people she didn’t
know, nor was given the change to begin to care about.  Bobbie knew that if
Carly didn’t give a damn about her, it wasn’t Carly’s fault.   How can anyone
be expected to care about someone who wasn’t there?  On the other hand, Bobbie
cared a great deal about her lost little girl, she cared because Carly was
something she’d created.  Bobbie had carried her for nine months, taking care
of her body, and her baby.  She was only sixteen, and had no means to raise a
child, but she knew the bond was there.  It had grown with her and was never
taken away, even when Carly was.

Bobbie didn’t realize the tears sliding down her cheeks until she heard
Carly’s weak voice.

"What’s wrong Bobbie?"

Bobbie let out a short burst of laughter at this, and stood to move closer to
Carly’s bed.  She perched on the end of it, careful not to be too hasty but
close enough to feel connected.

"Don’t you worry about me, sweetheart," Bobbie soothed, wiping her face.  "You
concentrate on you, okay?"

Carly nodded slowly, looking around ,a bit of skepticism crossing her face.
"Why?" she asked, completely unsure of what was going on.  "What’s wrong with
me?"

Bobbie stared at Carly for a while before answering.  If she thought it was
hard to give this news to Jason, it was a hundred times harder facing Carly.

"Carly," she began, as gingerly as she had with Jason.  "You had a
miscarriage."

Carly’s eyes widened and filled with tears.  She opened her mouth to say
something, then shut it, not being able to find the words.  Bobbie watched
Carly for a moment as big tears rolled down her cheeks.  She felt herself
getting choked up again, and struggled to keep her composure.

Bobbie cleared her throat, deciding the best thing to do would be to make
Carly as aware of her situation as possible.  "You were about three weeks
along.  Did you know?"  Bobbie couldn’t keep from asking, knowing what Carly’s
blood alcohol level had been the night before.

Carly shook her head from side to side almost numbly, her eyes still wide and
fear
stricken.  Bobbie felt her heart break even more.  Before she could continue,
Carly let out a sharp wail.

"Oh God," she moaned, looking at the ceiling.  "It’s my fault, Bobbie.  I
killed it!"  She began to cry, tears coursing down her cheeks in fast rivers.
She pounded her tiny fists against the bed, then brought them up to her face,
raking her fingers through her hair as she gasped for breath.  The tears
didn't stop, and Carly was nearly choking on her sobs.  She was almost
hysterical.

Bobbie moved closer to her, closing her hands over Carly's arms.  "Shhh,,,"
she soothed.  "Carly, please, calm down.  You had nothing to do with it."

Carly suddenly grew angry.  "I did," she hollered, throwing her head forward
and spitting the words out with force.

"No," Bobbie said sternly.  "Carly, miscarriages happen for all different
reasons  and they often never figure out why."

Carly laughed at this, a bitter, otherwise unemotional laugh.  "Do you know
how much I drank last night?  And the night before?  Are you kidding me?"

Bobbie nodded, understanding.  She rubbed her hands up and down Carly’s arms,
almost as though warming her from an absent chill in the air.  "Your B.A.C.
was three times the legal limit.  I’m aware of that.  But Carly, keep two
things in mind.  One, that was not the sole cause of your miscarriage.  And
two, you didn’t know."

Carly was sobbing openly now.  She was too upset to speak.  Her mind was
swimming with a jumble of emotions.  Guilt was the primary enemy, confusion a
close second.  God, she wouldn’t have been happy had she known she were
pregnant.  But she certainly would have taken care of herself.  Stopped
drinking and maybe had something to eat once in a while.  It was really
ironic.  Here Carly was, mourning a child she never knew she had, with her
mother who gave her up, never giving either of them a chance to know the
other.  Carly wanted to scream in Bobbie’s face that she didn’t understand.
That she gave away her child so who was she to mourn with her.  But the
knowledge that Bobbie had also lost a child, one that she’d had years to grow
with, bond with, and love, stopped Carly.  It hurt her to think of the pain
this woman had caused, but at the same time, comforted to know she understood.

When Carly had calmed enough to take a few deep breaths and clear her head,
the
inevitable question surfaced in her mind.  She groaned as a new pain, in
addition to the dull throbbing that was already there, shot through her.

"Does Jason know?"

Bobbie's expression faltered.  She was afraid that Carly would begin to hate
herself, not only for hurting herself and her unborn child, but Jason too.
She released her hands from Carly's arms and entwined them in her lap.

"I told him last night," Bobbie finally said, in a voice so quiet it could
barely be heard.

Carly was silent.  She was staring at Bobbie, almost looking deep into her
soul.  She willed her mother to talk, to tell her what exactly she had told
Jason, and what he had said back.  A terrible fear coursed though her, making
the blood in her veins feel like ice water.  What if Jason hated her for
killing this baby?  What if Jason could never forgive her?  "What did he
say?!" Carly practically screamed.  She again pounded small fists on the bed
on either side of her.

Bobbie jumped at her sudden outburst.  "Carly," she said calmly, holding her
hand out trying to ease her daughter.  "I told him what happened.  He was
really quiet then he just said he had to leave for a while."

Carly nodded, breathing heavily.  She seemed a little more relaxed, and Bobbie
hated to tell her that he wasn't back yet.  But it couldn't be avoided.

"Where is he now?" Carly asked hopefully, looking past Bobbie to her door.
The truth was, she wanted him to come in and all of a sudden make everything
better.  It seemed he always could.  Jason always knew just what to say, or
not say.  Carly prayed silently for him to be near, for him to come to her.
What Bobbie said next dashed all those hopes.

"He hasn't been back since last night, Carly."

Carly tried to hold her sorrow back but couldn't.  She began to sob once
again, covering her face with her hands.  Bobbie encircled her daughter with
her arms, and held her as Carly unleashed her anguish.  It was so unfair.  She
wished the bed would just open up and swallow her.  She'd never felt so
helpless.  Just when she thought things couldn't get worse, they did.  What
was next?  Carly didn't feel like sitting around and finding out.  She began
to squirm under Bobbie's grasp.

"Carly, Carly, stop," Bobbie pleaded, doing her best to hold on to her.
"Carly it's okay."

Carly pulled back and looked at her mother, her eyes puffy from crying.
"Bobbie, I have to get out of here," she said with conviction.  "I can't stay
here, I can't..."  Carly began to sob again, her head falling to Bobbie's
shoulder.

"Oh Carly," Bobbie murmured into her hair.  "You're gonna be okay, I promise
you will.  It's gonna take some time, but you'll pull through this."

Carly shook her head on her mother's shoulder.  "I won't..." she wailed, the
grief evident in her voice.  "I can't do this alone.  And Jason's gone...I
can't be alone!"

Bobbie felt torn.  She swallowed hard and decided to say what was in her gut.
"Yes you can, Carly, you *can* be alone.  If you have to.  But you don't...you
have me."  She was whispering as she said this, unsure of how Carly would
react.  "I never had you before," Carly whimpered.  She didn't sound angry,
only sad.

"You do now," Bobbie said, louder this time, knowing what she was saying was
right.  She didn't know if Jason had indeed split, or if he was just taking
time, a lot of it, for himself.  She hoped he would come back for Carly. How
desperately she needed him. But if he was gone, Bobbie had spoken the truth.
Carly would be okay, and Bobbie would be there for her.

Carly seemed to snuggle into her arms, and Bobbie smiled slightly.  Sometimes
it took the worst tragedy to bring people closer together.

*~*~*

"Hey," Jason stuck his head into Carly's room and saw her pushing her jell-o
around on a plate.

Carly's eyes brightened, then narrowed as she looked at her watch.  "Where
have you been?" she asked, trying not to sound as annoyed as she was.

Jason looked down, ashamed, as he made his way to her bedside.  He'd gone up
to the clearing that he'd found off of the highway.  He hadn't slept, but
stayed there all night, thinking.  This baby thing was affecting him in ways
he never imagined.  Not that he ever imagined this happening anyway.  But he'd
thought about what it would have been like to find out Carly was pregnant
before she'd miscarried.  He didn't think he would have been happy.  Scared
probably.  Mad, maybe.  But happy was definitely not on the list of emotions
he most likely would have experienced.  But now that there was no baby, he was
sad.  Almost devastated.  It made him want to cry just thinking about it.

"Carly, I--I don't know what to say.  I'm sorry."  Jason's voice broke, and a
single tear rolled down his cheek.

Carly watched him, trying not to start to lose control again.  She sat up,
reaching her arms out and pulling Jason into them.  They held each other,
crying, for a long time.  "Jason, I'm so sorry," Carly murmured into his
shoulder.  "I'm so sorry..."

Jason shook his head, feeling her hair brush against his cheek.  "Don't..." he
managed to choke out.  "It's not your fault Carly...please don't blame
yourself."

Finally, Carly pulled back.  She wiped tears out of her eyes and blinked at
Jason.  She was eerily calm and seemed like she almost disbelieved what he was
saying.    "Jase, of course it's my fault.  I drank too much and didn't eat a
damn thing for days.  Of course I couldn't carry a baby!  And I can deal with
that, you know, I really can.  But I can't deal with doing it to *you*."

Jason looked at Carly, practically in shock at what she was saying.  He never
claimed to know more than her about *anything*, but this, he knew, she was
wrong about.  "Why are you worried about me?  I'm sad, yeah, but I'm not
blaming you."

Carly swallowed hard, pushing a stray lock of hair out of her eyes.  "You're
sad?" she croaked, emotion choking her voice.

Jason smiled a bit.  Each time he thought he didn't know a thing about Carly,
he realized she didn't expect a lot of things from him either. Jason had to
admit, he wasn't exactly an open book. Some, probably a lot, of the things he
did surprised her.  Hell, a lot of the things he did and felt surprised him.
It was then that he decided that if he was going to let one person in to his
life, it was going to be her, and that he couldn't go half way on this.  He
was either going to let her in, or he wasn't.

Jason took a deep breath before launching into a full blown account of how he
felt,
something he thought he would never do.  "Yeah, of course I’m sad Carly.  I
may not know a lot about feelings, but it doesn't mean I don’t feel.  I know
that’s what everyone thinks but it’s not true.  I’m not saying I would have
been happy if we knew you were pregnant, I don’t know *how* I would have
reacted.  But since I know now that you were pregnant and now you’re not, it’s
sad somehow.  Like I lost something, even though I never knew I had it.  Does
that make sense?"

Carly was studying his face as he talked, realizing how vulnerable he looked,
how unsure of himself. This was a side that was rarely shown to anyone else,
Carly knew that. She appreciated all that he cared to share with her.  She
really did.  And it was moments like these that made her realize that she was,
indeed, in love with Jason Morgan.

Carly smiled at him, nodding her head.  "It makes perfect sense," she said,
tears
beginning to once again roll down her cheeks.  "I feel the same way. But
worse," she added, a dangerous look crossing her features.  "It’s my fault
Jason, I *know* it is no matter what you and Bobbie tell me."

Jason shook his head vigorously from side to side.  He was frustrated at her
insistence in blaming herself.  That was why, Jason decided, that she was
always sad.  She made up problems for herself then all of a sudden, they were
true for her.

Jason put a hand around the back of Carly’s neck, pulling her face close to
his so their foreheads touched.  "Carly," he murmured, not believing he was
about to say what he was about to say.

"Carly," Jason repeated, this time stronger.  "I think I’m falling in love
with you."


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