"Emily, it's Liz."

"Oh Hey Liz!" she answered cheerfully, " I was hoping you would call. I
really meant what I said about being friends."

"Oh my gosh, you don't know" Liz whispered.

"Know what?" There was silence. "Liz, you're scaring me. What is it?"

"Emily, Laura Spencer was in a plane crash. There were no survivors."

"Oh my gosh. . .was Lulu with her?" she asked her voice fearful.

"No, she was with Bobbie," she said reassuringly.

"Lucky . . . Nikolas they must feel terrible."

"That's what I was calling about. They're both at my house. They
aren't taking it well Emily. I don't know what to do, or what to say
. . . I was hoping you could help."

"Wait a minute. Did you just say Lucky and Nikolas are together?"

"Yeah, I was surprised too. I guess they just decided to let go of the
past. I mean it all seems kind of pointless now. . . Anyway, do you
think you could come talk to them? I mean you're friends with them
both and . . ."

"And I lost my mom too . . . you can say it. Listen, I'll be there as
soon as I can. Bye."

"Bye."

When Emily arrived at the Hardy residence she found Liz sitting out on
the porch waiting. "I didn't want to disturb them," she explained. The
girls quietly entered the house and found Lucky and Nikolas still
sitting side by side on the couch. They were no longer crying, just
sitting in silence watching the report about the crash.
 
 

"Lucky, Nikolas? Emily's here to see you." Both brothers seemed a
little startled at the girls' appearance. They turned and saw Emily
trying to smile and hold back tears.

"Hey," she said softly, "How are you doing?"

Nikolas was the first to respond. "How are we doing? How do you think
we're doing? Our mother just died. My whole life I wanted a real
family, and now that I was just beginning to find that she dies. I guess
you could say I'm not doing great," he looks up and sees the hurt in
Emily's eyes, "Emily, I'm sorry. It just hurts, you know?"

"Yeah, I know. When my real mom died I felt like a part of me had died
too. I mean my mother was all I had. I'm grateful for the time I had
with her, but I still miss her so much. Monica's great, but it's not
the same," she tried to hold back her tears. Her friends needed her to
be strong, they didn't need to feel sorry for her.

"How did you handle it Em? How did you not go completely insane?" Lucky
asked.

"If you remember, I didn't handle it well. We ran away, remember?
Besides, At least I knew she was going to die. I had a chance to store
up memories, like how she smelled, how her voice sounded, how beautiful
her smile was. . .I can't imagine if I hadn't known before. But at
least you didn't have to wait for her to die . . . hoping every
morning when you woke up that she'd still be there. . ."her voice
trailed off, unable to go on. Finally she cleared her throat, "You both
lost something very special and irreplaceable, but you didn't lose
everything. You still have a family. Nik, you have your Uncle, Alexis,
your grandmother . . . Lucky, you have Lulu, Luke, Bobbie, Lucas, Carly,
Michael . . . and you both have each other. You can get through this. It
won't be easy, but just remember you still have a lot of people out
there who care about you," she glanced back at Liz, who had been
listening silently. Lucky followed her gaze and smiled at Liz.

"Thanks Em. I know how hard it is for you to talk about your mom."

"Don't worry about it. I'm sorry I couldn't help you more. By the
way . . . I'm glad the two of you decided to put aside you
differences. It was always hard trying to be friends with you both, when
you couldn't be friends with each other. This may sound terrible, but
at least something good came out of all this. This is how Laura would
want it I think." Her voice softened a she added, "Do you know yet when
the funeral will be? My family was really upset when they found out
about your mom, especially grandfather. There are a lot of people out
there who will want to pay their last respects."

Nikolas looked at his brother, "I guess we have to figure out all those
arrangements. Do you think your father knows? I mean it's probably up
to him, but if he won't be here . . ."

"Who knows. We can't count on him. He's the reason she's gone. If
he hadn't run off . . ." Lucky's eyes were cold filled with hatred.

At first the were all shocked into silence, but they decided to let it
pass. Lucky was still in shock, no one expected him to really blame his
father.

Finally Liz spoke up, "Maybe you should talk to Stephan or Bobbie. They
could handle those things better than the two of you."

Nikolas and Lucky agreed and decided to go to Bobbie. As they began to
leave Lucky turned to Elizabeth and pulled her aside.

"Thank you."

"For what? I didn't do anything . . .I couldn't . . ."

"That's not true. You have done so much. I couldn't have made it
this far if it wasn't for you." Slowly he leaned over and kissed her
on the cheek, "Thank you."

Liz was frozen in place. She felt like her heart had stopped. She
realized she was blushing, and tried to hide it, but he had seen. He
smiled at her embarrassment, making her blush harder. "Will you come
with me to see Aunt Bobbie?"

"Of course."

As they turned to join Emily and Nikolas on the porch, Lucky grabbed her
hand in his. She was surprised, but she realized how much she enjoyed
the feel of it. The four of them walked to Nikolas's car in silence,
no one wanting to face the task ahead of them, all of them knowing there
was no way to ease the pain.
 

When they reached the Brownstone, Lucky, Liz, Nikolas, and Emily were
greeted by a voice shrieking from inside. "LUCKY , NIKKY!!!!!" Lulu
rushed outside to greet her brothers, throwing her arms around their
legs. She was followed by Bobbie who had tears in her eyes. For a moment
she stood in shock at the sight of the two together, but she soon pulled
herself together.

"Lulu, let's them all come inside now, OK?"

"Kay."

As they walked inside Lucky asked, "Aunt Bobbie, does she . . ."

"No. I was hoping your father would be the one to tell her. If not, I
think it should be one of you."

All eyes turned to Lulu, struggling with an armful of toys, calling for
her brothers to come play with her. Her eyes were bright with
excitement, it was a dream come true to have both of her brothers there
at the same time.

Liz watched as Lucky and Nikolas exchanged awkward glances, trying to
decide how to let her down easily. "Lulu, Lucky told me you like tea
parties. I haven't been to a tea party in a long time. Do you think us
girls could have one right now? Lucky and Nikolas could come play with
us later."

Lulu's face crinkled with thought. Finally she smiled and grabbed
Liz's hand and began dragging her towards the kitchen, with Emily
close behind.

"I take it you didn't come to see Lulu." Bobbie said.

"We came to talk to you about Laura's funeral," Nikolas said, "We need
to begin making arrangements."

"Well, without Luke . . . Don't worry, I'll take care of it. When do
you want to have the funeral?"

The brothers exchanged looks. "As soon as possible, I guess." Nikolas
said. After a pause he added, "Someone needs to tell Lulu." There was no
answer.

The silence of the room was broken by Lulu's laughter. She ran out of
the kitchen and jumped into Nikolas's lap.

"Did you have a good tea party Lesley Lu?" Nik asked her. She smiled and
nodded vigorously. Liz and Emily followed her out into the room. Emily
sat in the chair across from Nikolas. Liz took a seat next to Lucky on
the couch. Without thinking, he took her hand in his.

Lulu sat staring at Lucky with a puzzled look on her face. Her eyes
traveled from Lucky to Liz and back again. Finally she asked, "Is Liz
your girlfriend?"

Lucky and Liz blushed and the others began to laugh. Lulu looked even
more puzzled, watching the reaction to her statement. She looked around,
her eyes settling on Lucky, her stubborn eyes demanding an answer.

Finally, believing she had answered her question, she asked hopefully,
"Does that mean she's my sister?" This caused them both to blush even
harder.

Bobbie took pity on her nephew and interrupted, "Lulu, why don't you
show your brothers your new doll." Lulu streaked form the room to
retrieve her new treasure.

"Are you going to tell her?" Emily asked.

Lucky was the first to respond. "I will"

A moment later Lulu came bouncing back into the room, her doll hugged
protectively to her chest.

"Lulu, can I talk to you for a sec?" She walked over and sat in
Lucky's lap. "Lulu, do you remember when you and Mom went away for a
while? And you couldn't see me or Nikky or Dad?" She nodded. "Well Mom
had to go away. And we're not going to be able to see her."

Lulu's eyes filled with tears and her lower lip trembled, "Where did
she go?"

"She had to go to Heaven, God needed her to be an angel."

"When is she coming back?" Bobbie, Nikolas, Liz, and Emily had been
watching in silence. Her question broke their hearts, unabling them to
hold back their tears any longer.

Lucky tried to keep from crying, "She's not coming back Lulu. But she
will always love you and watch out for you from heaven. That's what
angels do. You are a very special little girl. You have your own special
angel." Lucky held his sister tight to his chest as she cried. He rocked
her in his arms and tried to calm her down. Eventually she looked up at
him and asked, "Can I go to heaven?"

"No Lulu, we need you to stay with us." She cried until she fell asleep
on Lucky's lap. Nikolas went with Lucky as he carried the small girl
to bed.
 

When they returned the two girls were alone in the room; Bobbie had gone
into the kitchen to begin making funeral arrangements. Emily announced
that she had to go home, and Nikolas volunteered to take her home and
then come back.

Emily walked over and hugged Lucky. "If you need anything, you have my
number." Then she and Nikolas left.

Lucky walked over and sat next to Liz.

"How is Lulu doing?" she asked.

"She's asleep, I think that's for the best."

"How are you doing?"

"I don't know. Everything is happening so fast, sometimes I'm still
not sure that it's all real."

"I wish I could help you."

Lucky turned, took her hands in his and looked deeply into her eyes,
"Elizabeth, how many times do I have to tell you that you are helping
me? Just being here right now is helping me. You are the only thing that
is getting me through this without completely losing control. You
don't give yourself enough credit."

For a moment the two of them sat there, silent and motionless, each
taking comfort in the other's presence. Each realizing that something
had changed between them, but neither knowing how to approach it.
Finally Lucky leaned towards her. For a moment Liz froze, but then she
looked into his eyes and relaxed. Lucky's hand brushed her hair off of
her face. He looked at her, his eyes questioning, wanting to be sure she
was ready. In response, Liz brought her face closer to his. Suddenly she
felt his lips brush against hers. The kiss was everything she had
imagined and more. Even after he pulled away she could still feel where
his lips had been.

She saw he was watching her nervously. She smiled, "I was wondering when
you would finally kiss me."

Relief filled Lucky's face, "I wasn't sure if you were ready. Or if
you wanted me too."

"I've been ready, as long as it was you." She reached over and laid
her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes, never letting go of his
hands. Lucky rested his head against hers, still reeling from the kiss.
For a moment he was able to forget about his mother. For a moment he
didn't think about the small girl upstairs who had cried herself to
sleep. For a moment his mind wasn't flooded with the graphic images
from the news. At that moment he thought only of Elizabeth.

Lucky laid in bed, staring at the ceiling. He had been unable to sleep
for most of the night. The one time he had fallen asleep, he had the
nightmare again. The same one as the nights before. The crash. . . his
mother's body lying on the ground. . . the screams . . . Each time he
had the dream it seemed more real. He could never erase the image from
his mind. This time had been the worst. Maybe it was because of what day
it was.

Tomorrow was Laura's funeral. He didn't want it to happen. Until
then he could deny that it was real. After all, they still hadn't
found her body. But to go to her funeral, to publicly mourn her death,
it was to accept what had happened to her.

And to accept what he and his father had done to her. The only thing
that hurt worse than his sorrow was the guilt. It constantly consumed
him and ate at his very soul. He would never forgive himself for letting
her go that day. And he would never forgive his father for being the
reason she left.

His thoughts were interrupted by Lulu's cry from down the hall,
snapping him back to reality. As hard as this was for him, it was twice
as hard for his little sister. She had become a different child within
only a few days. She was so scared now, so clingy. She was afraid that
everyone would leave her. That was why Lucky had was staying at the
Brownstone. Lulu needed to know he would be there. He walked the short
distance to her room and sat on the edge of her bed, "It's all right
Lulu. Go back to sleep." He stroked her hair and sang softly until she
fell back into an uneasy sleep.

************************************************

Nikolas sat at the table looking through old picture albums. Each one
was filled with memories of his childhood. Some made him want to laugh,
others brought tears to his eyes, but one thing was constant throughout.
None of them included his mother.

He had never really had the chance to know her. Even when he had moved
to Port Charles, she had always put the needs of her other family first.
But recently that had all been changing. She had really been trying. He
was actually beginning to feel like he had real mother. And now he would
have to say goodbye to her.

Tears of hurt and anger filled his eyes. "Why now? Why not give me just
a few more years, or even months, with her? Or why did you have to let
me finally get so close to her before you took her away? It's just not
fair! There are still so many things I wish I had told her. I don't
know if I ever let her know how much I loved her. And she would have
been so happy to see Lucky and I really acting like brothers. I just
don't understand!"

Nikolas could no longer hold his anger inside. He dropped his head onto
the table and began to weep.
 
 

The first thing Lucky noticed when he entered the funeral parlor was the
strong scent of flowers. It reminded him of her. She had always loved
her garden. He remembered how she would put some in a vase in the
kitchen. She had always loved the smell of flowers. He looked around and
saw they were everywhere. It seemed that almost everyone in Port Charles
had sent flowers.

Lucky walked to the front and took a seat on the front row. Already the
room had begun to fill, and he could feel the crowd's eyes follow him
as he passed. He refused to look up and let them see his pain. A moment
after he took his seat Nikolas came and sat beside him.

"You don't look like you got any sleep last night."

"I didn't. You don't look so great yourself, you know."

"It was a long night."

They sat there in silent agreement, watching the room fill even further.
Elizabeth and Emily arrived and came to sit with them. Knowing that no
words could help, the two girls gave their friends encouraging hugs and
silently took a seat. Elizabeth took Lucky's hand in hers.

It wasn't long before the service began. The minister stood before the
large crowd and began.

"We are gathered here to mourn the loss of Laura Spencer, beloved wife,
mother, and friend. Although it seems she was taken away much too soon,
we have all been touched by her loving spirit and her kind heart. We
come here today, not only to say goodbye to a dear friend, but to
celebrate her life. I would like to open up this time for anyone who
would like to share special memory you have of Laura."

Edward Quartermaine rose and walked to the front. "Laura Spencer was one
of those few people who could walk into a room and brighten just by
being there. She was probably one of the only people in this world who
knew exactly how to talk me down. She could get exactly what she wanted
from me, and I never felt tricked." He paused and smiled, thinking of a
far off memory, "Maybe what I'll miss most about Laura is her
compassion. She always worried about the rest of us. She never missed an
opportunity to ask how my heart was, or about Lila. And if you ever saw
her taking care of those children at the Ward House you saw it first
hand. She spent her life giving to the rest of us. I know she will be
greatly missed." Edward wiped his eyes and walked back to his seat.

Suddenly Lucky stood and walked to the front. The mourners all silenced,
some were suprised, some empathized for him, but all watched him
intently.

"I guess it's no secret that my mother and I have been having problems
for a while now. Some of you may think I have no right to be here today.
. . Maybe you're right. But she was my mother. . .You know it's
funny. I've almost forgotten why we were fighting. All that anger I
felt is gone. When I think about her now, all I remember are the good
times. I remember when she used to sing me to sleep when I was little .
. . I can still here her voice . . . she never left until I fell asleep.
. .I remember how she would always walk with me on the first day at a
new school. She would tell me about how this time we would stay for a
while, and how I would get to make new friends here. I know now it
wasn't lying, just wishful thinking . . . I remember all the times
this last year when she came to me, never accusing, never demanding,
just hurt and pleading . . .I guess I finally realized what a great
mother she was, but now it's too late." Lucky wasn't sure where he
was going with this anymore. He was on the verge of tears, and he felt
he hadn't said anything worth listening to. He could see that most of
the people were crying now, which only brought his tears closer. "She
loved all of us. I know that now. She wasn't the weak, deluded liar
had made her out to be," his voice was cracking and tears were now
streaming down his cheeks, "she was a very strong and loving person that
I hurt time and time again. And now I'll never get to tell her I'm
sorry." His tears had turned into sobs and his words were becoming
difficult to understand. It looked as though he was about to collapse.
Nikolas stepped forward from the front row and embraced his brother. The
two of them stood before the crowd and sobbed together.

After a moment Lucky pulled away and faced his brother. Then in a voice
so soft it was almost a whisper he said, "Our mother is dead and it's
all my fault."

"That's not true," said a voice from the back of the room.

Everyone turned to see the figure standing in the doorway. His sorrow
turning to anger Lucky asked, "What are you doing here?"

In the doorway stood Luke Spencer, looking as though he hadn't slept
in days.

"It's not your fault cowboy. There is nothing you could have done to
stop her death. You didn't put her on that flight. You didn't cause
it to crash. It's not your fault."

Lucky stood staring at his father, the rest of the room forgotten,
"Maybe you're right. Maybe it's not my fault. I'm not the one who
left town. It wasn't me she was looking for, it was you."

Luke's pain at hearing those words was evident on his face. He looked
like he had just been hit in the stomach. "You think I haven't blamed
myself since I found out? If there was anyway I could have taken her
place I would have done it in an instant. But the fact is, no matter how
much we regret what happened, we can't change it. Your mother is gone.
My wife is gone. We have to get past it somehow and move on. That's
what she would want."

Bobbie stood up and stepped between the two, "This is not the time or
the place for this. You two have a lot of things to work out, but it can
wait until after the funeral. Let everyone say goodbye in peace."

She led Luke to sit next to her, and Nikolas and Lucky returned to their
seats as well. The minister returned to the front and continued with the
service.

When the ceremony was finished, they began to leave. There was no body
to be buried. Lucky, Liz, Nikolas, and Emily were some of the last to
go. Nikolas and Lucky solemnly accepted the condolences they were
offered as they passed through the crowd. When they reached the door,
Nikolas stopped and turned to his brother.

"Lucky, there is your father," he whispered. Lucky turned and saw his
father standing with Ruby, watching him and waiting. He walked in the
opposite direction trying to avoid his father.

Suddenly a hand grasped his arm and whirled him around. "We're not
done yet cowboy."

"Yes, we are. I have nothing left to say to you."

"You said that about your mother, and now she's gone. Is that what
it=92s going to take for you to forgive me? Do I have to die first?"

Lucky looked straight into his eyes, "Even if I am someday able to
forgive myself, I will never forgive you. All you ever did was hurt her,
and she always forgave you. Look at what it did to her."

"Are we back to that again? Is this still about the rape? Lucky, you may
think you know everything, but you're wrong. There are things about my
past and your mother's past, that you may never be able to understand.
You have to accept it. You are my child, not God. You cannot control
what people do or condemn them for it. I regret everyday what happened
between your mother and I. I will mourn her death for the rest of my
life. But life goes on cowboy. You have to let go of the past and live
in the present." He placed his hand on Lucky's shoulder, but he jerked
away.

"Get your hands off of me!"

Nikolas walked over and turned with his back to Luke. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah. Let's get out of here."

As the brother's turned to leave, Luke called out, "You're going
with that Cassadine brat?"

"That Cassadine brat is my brother. He was here when I found out
about mom. You weren't. You may still have some unpaid vengeance
against the Cassadines, but I don't."

Luke stood and watched his son walk away. "This is not over yet, cowboy."


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