"Like what?"

"I don't know.  Maybe take her away from all this for awhile."

"You really think it'll help?"

"I don't know.  But I've got to try.  Seeing her like this is killing
me." Sonny looked at Jason as they sat in Luke's one morning.

"I know the feeling.  Look I haven't gotten around to it yet but I want
to apologize."

"For what?"

"For what?  How about for everything?  For letting you down, for lying,
and for not protecting Alex when I said I would."

"Jason stop beating yourself up.  It's not your fault."

"I didn't protect Brenda and she was raped at the Gatehouse, you came
back and found out that Brenda had two children who looked exactly like
you and her and I didn't tell you they were yours, and I didn't protect
Alex and now she's dead and Bren's a mess."

"She getting better."

"Carly told me what happened in the Grille."

"I know she did."

"So how can you say she's getting better?"

"Because Jason she is.  I know her and I know how she is."

"Whatever you say Sonny."

"That's right." He smiled.  "Now any ideas about where I should take
Brenda for a vacation?"

"Baltimore." Jason said a few moments consideration.

"Baltimore?"

"Yeah.  She, Carly, Lois, and Karen went about a year ago with the kids.
They all really enjoyed it."

"Baltimore it is then.  I'll see ya later okay?"

"Later man."  Sonny left Luke's.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Hey baby."  Sonny greeted as he walked into the house. Brenda was
sitting on the steps leading down to the living room.

"Hey." She smiled at him. He sat down behind her and she leaned back
into his embrace.

"Good day?"

"It is now." He smiled down at her.  "You?"

"It's getting better.  I was thinking."

"Bout what?"

"How would you feel about a vacation?"

"Really?"

"Yeah. I think you need some time away."

"That'd be nice.  Where would we go to?"

"How about Baltimore?"

"Talking to Jason?"

"Busted."

"'S okay."

"So what do you say?  We can go for as long as you like."

"Kids are out of school in a couple of days.  Let's leave the day after
that.  Maybe stay for the summer or at least a month."

"That's good.  Do you want to stay in the same hotel as you did last
time?"

"Well we stayed at the Omni and it was nice and all but every time we'd
go to the Inner Harbor we'd take this shuttle bus and with all of us
plus the guards we really kind of filled it up.  Maybe we should stay
someplace closer this time."

"Okay."

"Now that I think about it there's a hotel called Renaissance
Harborplace Hotel across the street from the Inner Harbor.  It looked
beautiful."

"You wanna stay there?"

"Sure.  Sonny?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

"I love you too."  He kissed the top of her head as they sat in their
home.
 

Brenda sat back on her heels and sighed, tucking her hair behind her
ear. The damn thing was sooo infuriating!!! She began to furiously beat
on it. "Go *in*!" Brenda whined, "Dammit!" She didn't notice Sonny walk
into the room, and then stop in the doorway, watching his wife curse and
carry on about her suitcase. Brenda tapped her foot impatiently on the
carpet, her low-heeled black sandals making a deaf thud. The short
powder blue, sleeveless dress looked beautiful on her, Sonny took in.
But she looked beautiful in everything. Brenda ran a hand through her
hair and then pushed her hands down as hard as she could on the top of
the suitcase, then tried the zipper again. It didn't budge. "ARGH!"
Brenda picked up the book on the bed beside her and turned around,
blindly throwing it at the door.

"Hey!" Sonny protested, ducking as the book whizzed by his head.

"Sonny!" Brenda exclaimed, exasperated. She placed her hands on her
hips. "How long have you been standing there?"

"Long enough to see how cute my wife is when she's frustrated." He
walked over to her and gave her a quick peck on the lips.

Brenda wrinkled her nose. "Hmm. You smell good, what is it that you're
wearing?" She buried her nose in Sonny's neck.

"Are you implying that I usually smell bad?"

Brenda laughed, bringing her twinkling eyes back up to his. "No! You
know that I wasn't, haha, very funny!"

Sonny turned serious. "You have no idea how good it feels to see you
laughing again. To see that. . .shine, that twinkle in your eyes." Sonny
took her chin in his hands. "Is it getting better?"

She drew out a shaky breath, shrugging slightly. "No. But I'm trying not
to think about it-"

Sonny sighed, shaking his head. "Don't do that!"

"Do what?" Brenda asked, stepping back to examine him more closely.

"Pretend like nothing happened! I know that game, baby, I *invented*
that game. And when it got old and completely worn out, I invented a new
one. You know what the new one is?"

Brenda shrugged, somewhat defeated, and sighed, "What?"

"I spoke. I said exactly what I felt and why I felt it, and I didn't. .
.push people away when they wanted to help. Baby, you taught me that
game. You taught it to me. You taught me how to open up my heart and let
people in. I want you to do that for me right now, alright? Tell me
exactly how you feel."

Brenda shook her head. "I can't-"

"Yes, you can." Sonny sat down on the bed and pulled her between his
legs, locking hers in his thighs. He took her hands and massaged them
gently, looking up into her face.

Brenda nodded. "Okay, maybe I can. . ." She blew out a shaky breath.
"The truth is, Sonny, I'm not sure how I feel. I feel hatred, I feel
love, I feel hopelessness, I feel pain...I feel everything and nothing
at all, all at the same time." She sighed again as her voice began to
crack and tears began to form. "It's like I can't stop crying these
days, you know? And I don't even know why. I'll just start and I don't
know how to stop, I don't know why this dull ache in my heart won't go
away. I hate myself for abandoning my little girl, because it's exactly
what my parents did to me, it's exactly what Mike did to you, and I
never got the chance to tell my baby that I loved her. With all of my
heart. You can tell me that she probably knew, but I know all about
that. I told *myself* that my father really loved me, and didn't tell me
because I should already know. But you know what? That's bullshit! It's
bullshit, Sonny, because I know the joy of hearing someone tell you that
they love you. And feeling it in your heart -- or thinking that you feel
it -- isn't the same as hearing it out loud. It's not. Because I waited
a really, really long time for you to tell me that you loved me. . .and
I was so convinced near the end that you didn't, until you told me. When
you did, I felt like I could do anything. Then we weren't together
anymore, so suddenly, and I felt the same way all over again. I told
myself, 'Brenda, Sonny loves you. You should know that, you should feel
it in your heart.'" Brenda wiped away a tear and shook her head sadly.
"But I didn't. All my heart felt was the emptiness, the dull ache, the
pain, of losing the only person who ever loved me. That's who you were.
Who you still are today. The only person, truly, in my heart, who really
loves me, Sonny. And because I know that you do, I can say that I feel
it and I can really feel it. But Alex didn't have any of that.  You
know? She. . .all she got were Christmas and birthday presents. Not a
single phone call. I doubt that she died knowing the sound of my voice,
because she didn't know it! I never gave her the one thing she needed
most in the world. ME. My time. My love. My devotion. Myself. And now
she's gone." Brenda's voice cracked completely and she finished
hoarsely, "If I didn't have you here right now to hold my hand, I think
I would have. . . I don't know what I would have done. But I love you so
much, and I love being your wife, I love our children, our life
together, and I can't ever have you doubting that."

Sonny smiled, his own face stained with tears. "See, you can do it."

Brenda wiped at her tears. "I want to find the person who killed my
daughter, Sonny."

He nodded. "We will."

"I want to find this person and I want to RIP their heart out, just like
they ripped out mine!" She sobbed now, and fell down into his arms.
Sonny kissed her and gently held her as she calmed herself down.

"We're gonna get away for a while, sweetheart. Just you and me,
alright?"

She nodded and sat back to look into his eyes. "Kind of like a second
honeymoon, right?"

Sonny nodded, kissing her fingers. "Only, this time, without any
interruptions."

Brenda gazed into his face, saying nothing. They stayed like that for a
while, and Brenda finally mouthed, not making a single sound, "I love
you." Sonny sealed it with a kiss.
 

"Mommy!  Daddy! Aunt Lois is here!" Morgan shouted upstairs.

"Okay.  We're coming."  Brenda yelled down.

"So Morgan you ready to spend some time in Brooklyn with me and Brooke
and your brother?"

"Uh-huh.  Mommy says you're gonna take us all to Coney Island before we
go to Baltimore to be with Mommy and Daddy."

"That's right.  You know your daddy and I used to go when we were kids."

"Really?  Was Daddy scared of any of the rides?"

"No he wasn't."  Sonny said as he and Brenda came down the stairs.

"Morgan where's your brother?"

"Right here Mom."  Scorpio ran into the living room.  "Hi Aunt Lois."

"Hey Scorpio.  How ya doing?"

"I'm good.  I can't wait to go to Coney Island." He said excitedly.

"Me neither." Lois said.  "Make sure to call us when you get to
Baltimore."

"We will." Brenda said hugging her friend.  "Okay kids come here."
Brenda knelt down so she was eye level with Morgan and Scorpio.  "Now
you guys are gonna be good, right?"

"Right."  They chorused.

"You're gonna listen to Aunt Lois, right?"

"Right."

"You're gonna be Aunt Lois's little helpers, right?"

"Right."

"Okay, now gimme hugs and kisses." The kids wrapped their arms around
their mom's neck and she wrapped an arm around each of them and they
hugged tightly.

"Hey can I get some of that?" Sonny asked.   The kids let go of Brenda
and ran into Sonny's arms.  He gave them both a hug.  "Now you two
listen to Aunt Lois, alright?"

"We will." again the chorused voices.

"Okay you two.  Outta here." Lois ordered.

"Isn't that nice?  We're being kicked out of our own house."

"Let's go baby."

Brenda gave Lois and Brooke a hug and kissed the kids and then she and
Sonny piled into the car and were on their way.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Sweetie you hungry?"

"A little."

"Good because there's rest station coming up.  We'll stop and eat."

"Okay."  She leaned her head back against the seat and looked out the
window.

"We'll be there soon you know."

"I know.  Can I tell you something?"

"Always."

"I feel like no matter how far away from PC I go I'll never get away
from the feelings I have about Alex dying before she ever got to live."

Sonny picked up her hand and kissed it.  "It'll get better baby. I
promise."

"I hope you're right."

"I always am."  She looked at him and smiled.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Nice room."

"Should be for what we paid for it." Sonny said as he set the bags down.
The bellhop came in and set some more down and Sonny tipped him.
"Thanks."

"You're welcome sir.  I hope you and your wife enjoy your stay."

"I'm sure we will."

The bellhop nodded and left.  Sonny closed the door behind him and then
joined Brenda as she looked out the window.  He wrapped his arms around
her waist.  "What are you thinking?"

"That this was a good idea."

"Good.  Now we only have four days before the kids invade us so what do
you want to do?  Go to a fancy restaurant, for a walk along the water,
through the mall, or stay here?"

"Stay here." She answered.  "You know what I'm thinking about?"

"Washington?"

"Mmm-hmm.  That was the best."

"Not the best but definitely in the top ten."

"Okay." She said turning around.  "What was the best in your opinion?"

"Our wedding night." without hesitation.

"Oh honey that is so sweet.  You know I meant to ask you something."

"What?"

"That song you picked for our first song as husband and wife, why'd you
pick it?"

"I heard it years ago right after I left and it just stuck with me."

"I'm glad.  Because it was perfect for us."

"Now I have a question for you."

"What?"

"Do you remember the first time we kissed?"

"Every day." She smiled.

"I love you."

"I love you.  End of story."

"Not even close." He said sweeping her off of her feet and carrying her
to the bed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"So now what?  We've been through the mall.  Had coffee, lunch, and ice
cream.  We can't go to the aquarium, ESPN Zone, or Hard Rock Cafe
because we're waiting for the kids before we do that." Brenda asked
Sonny as they stood by the water of the Inner Harbor.

"You wanna take a water taxi and go to Fell's Point?  Walk through it.
You said it was a cute little place."

"Yeah it is.  Or we could take a regular taxi and go to Little Italy.
Great food over there.  The canolies in this one place taste almost as
good as  Gloria's do."

"Tempting."

"It's weird isn't it?"

"What is?"

"We have all these places to go and we can't decide."

"True but let's not do everything in one afternoon."

"Okay.  Hey let's get tickets to a Oriole's game for when the kids get
here.  Morgan and Scorpio both love baseball games.  Jason took them to
one last year and they've been in love ever since."

"Great.  What about you?"

"What about me?"

"Do you like baseball games?"

"They're okay.  I can go and be there and actually pay attention.  I'm
also a pretty good pitcher."

"Really?"

"Yep." She smiled up at him and he kissed her forehead.  Then he pulled
her in for a hug and looking over her shoulder he saw something that
almost gave him a heart attack.  Miranda Jameson and John Jacks were
walking towards him and Brenda with a little girl.


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