The rain had started, and by now it was a downpour.  If Carly had been
coherent enough to even notice, she would have thought it a sign, and a bad
one at that.  She hated the rain.  No, that wasn't true.  She hated *New
York* rain.  After she'd gotten over her fears of the lightning and
thunder, she had loved the rain when she was a child -- the warm tropical
rains in Florida.  She would run barefoot through the rain, despite her
mother's warnings about catching her death of cold.  It just made her
feel....free.  She loved heading down to the beach on those days, too.
Mama would have disapproved of that even more, so Caroline never told her.
She always said she was going over to Carly's.  Which was true, in a way,
since she did go there first.  Then together, the two of them would hitch a
ride to the beach.

They would head over to an old abandoned pier out of sight of the watch
towers.  It was weathered and overlooked by most now, but not them.  They
would run through the rain and climb under the pilings, safely out of reach
of both the soaking rain and the violent waves.  Together, they would just
sit there, neither one talking.  They had tried talking, once, but the
sound of the wind and the crashing waves had made it too loud to hear what
the other was saying.  Soon they found that they liked it better not
talking.  Each just sat there thinking, knowing that the other was there,
just within reach if needed.  It was their secret place.  Caroline didn't
want to tell anyone, she didn't want to have to share their place,
especially with her mother.  She just wouldn't understand.

New York rains weren't like that, especially at this time of year.  The
storms were more like sleet than the rain she remembered.  These were icy
rains, bitter cold and mean.  The rain here made everything look dark and
dreary, almost foreboding.  These weren't the kinds of rains you ran
through with your best friend.  These were kinds that kept you shut up
inside, locked away from the world.  These weren't the rains of fairy-tale
worlds and childhood imaginations.  These were the rains of nightmares.

--

Jason and Carly raced into the ER. "Where's Michael?"  Carly looked frantic
"Where's my son?"  She had barely had one coherent thought since answering
the phone.  She couldn't remember much, just images mostly -- Bobbie asking
her if it was Michael, Jason handing her her coat and pushing her out the
door.  She was thankful that Jason was there, or her feet would still be
plastered to the floor of the PC Hotel Ballroom, too terrified to move.

"Carly, Jason, I'm glad you're here!"

"Mike?  What are you doing here?"

"Well, a friend of mine, Matt Harmon?  Rents a room behind the bar?  He's a
doctor here, and he recognized Michael when they brought him in.  He knew I
was Michael's godfather, and when they couldn't get a hold of you at first,
he called me--"

"How long?  I mean, when?"

"About a half an hour, 45 minutes maybe.  You two weren't at the penthouse,
I had to authorize emergency surgery, I'm sorry..."

"Surgery?  Mike, what's going on?!"  Carly looked up at Jason, hopeful, but
he looked almost as bad as Carly.

"Excuse me?  Are you the parents of Michael Morgan?"  Carly and Jason
nodded.  "My name's Dr. Ramsey, and this is Dr. Harmon, we were on duty
here when your son was brought in.  Apparently he had stopped breathing,
and the nanny called the paramedics.  I understand your son has a history
of heart problems?"

"His heart valve didn't close when he was born, but...he had surgery then,
and the doctors said they fixed it.  Right Jason, I mean, everything was
supposed to be OK?!  He's been to all his check-ups, and they said he's
fine.  He's...he's fine."  The initial shock was wearing off, and Carly was
beginning to realize what was really happening.

"Apparently he's developed an abnormal heart rhythm.  We don't really know
what triggered it, but the complications that resulted either slowed or
interrupted circulation enough to cause respiratory failure.  The
paramedics were able to put him on a respirator, and Mr. Corbin was here to
authorize emergency surgery to try and correct the problem.  We'll keep you
posted as soon as we hear anything else.  I'm really sorry."

Carly looked up at Jason, who hadn't yet spoken, "This can't be happening,
Jason.  It just *can't*.  I mean, I finally thought I was getting my life
back in order.  I've missed so much so far.  Why?  Why him?  Why now?"

When the voice on the phone had told her that Michael was in the hospital,
she felt as though the earth fell out from beneath her feet.  She had just
been floating, half conscious of the world around her ever since.  She was
beginning to come to her senses quickly, though, as she listened to the
doctors talk.  Unconsciously, she found herself looking around as she began
to realize exactly where she was, and why.  The walls of the hospital felt
so barren, so institutional.  She'd spent months looking at walls like
these -- cold and unfeeling, void of warmth.

Those were the lowest months of her life.  Since the day in the limo when
Jason brought her home, he hadn't asked about her time there at all.  Even
that was just because he thought it was something he should ask, she told
herself.  So, she didn't bring it up with him.  She didn't really know what
she would say anyway.  That the only other time she'd ever felt so lost, so
alone in her life was the day that she found out her best friend was dead?
But that was just one more thing he had never asked about.  "Stop it," she
tried to tell herself.  All these memories and insecurities that she'd
tried to push away and forget about were creeping in.  She didn't want to
think about all this.

What she wanted now, what she desperately needed was some touch, some human
contact, to reassure her that she was really here, and that this wasn't a
dream.  Carly reached out buried her head in Jason's chest and tried to
cloud out all the fears and questions swirling around in her mind.  Jason
wasn't very skilled at the kind of comfort she needed, and she wasn't going
to sit around and wait for him to get the hint.  She wanted to feel someone
else's warmth, someone's body next to hers, someone's arms around her.
Maybe Jason didn't feel the same way about her as she did about him, but
that wasn't going to matter tonight.  Tonight she was in his arms, maybe by
her move, but she wasn't going to go through this nightmare alone, if
that's what this was.

"Well, if it is a nightmare, it's getting worse by the minute," Carly
mumbled as her glance caught Edward leading the Quartermaine clan in the ER
doors.

"I demand to speak to a doctor this minute!  I demand to know what is
happening with my great-grandson!"  Edward saw Carly and Jason in the
waiting room.  "This is your fault, you hoodlum, and you, you little
trollop.  The both of you have done nothing but disregard the health and
safety of that little boy since before he was born.  I have tried on
numerous occasions--"

"Go to HELL, Edward Quartermaine!  How DARE you burst in here and accuse US
of disregarding the health of OUR son.  You have done nothing but think of
yourself since the day he was born!"

"You really are a card, Carly."  Monica was venomous, as usual, toward
Carly, "How can you sit here and lecture us about our self-centeredness?
You have done nothing with this child but lie, cheat and manipulate to get
exactly what you wanted.  Not to mention that you left him when he was a
newborn.  You walked out on your son for an entire month!  You have done
*nothing*, not one thing to prove that you have any business in raising a
child or care anything about him at all other than as a tool for your
twisted games.  You must be pretty proud of yourself young lady, for having
Jason wrapped around your little finger--"

"You all think you know Jason, don't you!  You think you have him all
figured out, and just where I fit and how I got there.  You'd like to
believe that I just weaseled my way into his life because Jason didn't know
any better.  You *have* to believe that, because the idea that he can and
actually does figure things out for himself is inconceivable.  Why?
Because that would throw your poor-damaged-Jason theory right out the
window.  You hold on to that tighter than anything because you don't want
to believe that he would actually *choose* to walk out on you!  That he
would actually *want* you all out of his life.  Personally, I see that as a
sign of intelligence--

"Now hear this, young lady--"

"No, Edward, I'm NOT finished.  I am Michael's MOTHER.  I don't have to
PROVE anything.  Maybe I'm not a very good person, and maybe I've made a
lot of mistakes.  You know what?  I might even make more.  But, he is my
SON, and maybe you don't believe me, but I LOVE him, and that is all the
proof that I need."

"Well, I am his GRANDMOTHER--"

"What claims exactly do you have to parenting skills, huh Monica?  I'd like
to know.  Your son's an alcoholic, your other one wants nothing to do with
you, your daughter OD'd on drugs, your husband's stoned.  Let's not even
talk about history!  Married one brother because you couldn't have the one
you *really* wanted.  You've had more affairs than I can count, including
one with your nephew.  Oh, and I know all about the little paternity game
you tried to play with AJ.  I know that you weren't sure until after he was
born who his father was.  Kind of sounds FAMILIAR, doesn't it, Monica?!
You want to play character attack, you go for it, but let me give you a
little warning.  We have FAR too much in common for you to go anywhere near
where you already have without sounding like a complete hypocrite."

With that, and without waiting for a rebuttal from Monica, Carly stormed
out of the front doors, and outside.  She hadn't wanted to say all that,
but it had been festering for a long time, and actually, she was kind of
glad she did.  For the few minutes focused on the Quartermaines, she had
been able to leave behind her fears about Michael.  Even though it was
raining, she was relieved to be outside.  The rain was cold and the wind
sharp, and she was thankful she still had her overcoat on, as she pulled it
closer around her.  It wasn't really enough, though.  The rain was stinging
on her cheeks, and pantyhose was not enough to keep the wind from biting at
her ankles.  She tried to shift her weight to block out more of the cold,
but nearly slipped as her dress shoes, which were now muddied from the
rain, met with the icy pavement.  "Damn clothes," she muttered.

The clothes.  Just this morning, with Michael and Bobbie at the mall, she
had finally felt safe, complete.  For the first time in over a year, she
was able to push aside all the doubts and fears swirling around in her
head.  For a few glorious hours, life was perfect.  Family.  In those
hours, she could forget about the mess that was waiting back with the real
world at the penthouse, and just pretend that life was great.  She had felt
confident with Michael for the first time in ages.  Sure, maybe she'd make
some mistakes with him, but Bobbie would be there to help her.

Now those doubts were back, with a vengeance.  How could she honestly think
that she could be good for Michael.  She was an emotional time-bomb
herself.  How could she handle the welfare of a child, when she couldn't
handle her own?  "Stop it, just stop it!" she told herself, "That is
*exactly* what the Quartermaines want you to think.  You can't let them get
to you, you just can't."

As her thoughts drifted from Michael to the Quartermaines, she remembered a
conversation she'd had with Robin a couple days ago, soon after she'd come
home from Ferncliff.  Jason was out on some business, and Michael was down
for a nap.  Carly and Robin had tried to avoid each other as much as
possible but, living under the same roof, sometimes it was inevitable.

// Carly had just finished putting Michael to bed, and was sitting on the
couch reading a magazine.  "Good Housekeeping, it figures," she muttered.

"How long are you going to keep this charade up, Carly?"

"What charade would that be, Robin?"

"Keeping Michael from his father--"

"Michael IS with his father."

"OK, then, lets try something else.  How long are you going to keep lying
to AJ?"

"The way I see it, I'm not the only one lying to AJ, am I?  You better
watch out, I think your halo's slipping," Carly added with a smirk.

"I'm not lying to him.  I'm staying out of this because it's none of my
business."

"No, you're staying out of it, because *Jason* would have you out on your
pretty little behind in a second if you told him."

"That is *not* true--"

"Oh, isn't it?  You didn't have any problem throwing it in my face when you
first moved back to Port Charles.  You didn't have any problem throwing it
in my face at Tony's trial.  You know what, though, I have this funny
feeling it wasn't such a big deal after I was out of the picture.  When you
could traipse around town playing mommy, I bet it didn't even come up.
Well you're *not* his mother."

"Why is it so hard to believe that I'm just trying to do what's best for
him, Carly?"

"Why is it so hard for you to believe that *I* am?"

"I don't think you really want me to answer that.  You still haven't
answered my question.  Are you going to tell AJ?"

"Maybe.  When hell freezes over."//

Carly didn't bother to tell Jason about their conversation.  She was sick
of the answer that would come.  "Don't worry, Carly, she won't say
anything.  She knows how important Michael is to you."  Carly wanted to
just shake him and yell, "Wake UP, Jason.  She knows how important he is to
YOU."

Sometimes she didn't get all the fuss surrounding Robin.  Well, sometimes
was an understatement.  They all treated her like she was about to be
canonized.  Why couldn't they all see that she isn't a saint?  Carly was
even willing to concede she wasn't the devil incarnate.  She might really
be a good person, but she's human.  She gets jealous, and sometimes she's
even *wrong*.  "Gee, what a concept," Carly thought, "that isn't reserved
only for me."

--
Desperado, why don't you come to your senses,
You've been out ridin fences for so long now,
Oh and you're a hard one, but I know that you've got your reasons,
The things that are pleasin' you can hurt you somehow.
--

The rain wasn't letting up, and Carly's numb cheeks and nose needed to get
inside and thaw out before they got frostbite.  Carly glanced at her
reflection in the glass doors as she walked in, hoping to be able to
compose herself a little.  As she caught her reflection, though, she
decided that was just about helpless.  She was soaking wet.  Her hair was
dripping and her face was smeared with mascara.  She looked awful, but she
was far too tired to do anything about it.

As she looked around the room, Carly felt more and more alone.  It seemed
like everyone had someone.  She could see Bobbie with Jerry, Mike with
Sonny, even the Quartermaines had each other, whatever that was worth.
Worst of all, in the far corner of the room were Robin and Jason.  Neither
was talking, but they were curled up on the couch, holding each other,
hoping to draw what little comfort there was left from the mere presence of
each other.

Even worse than seeing those two together was seeing how comfortable they
looked together.  Carly wanted that.  She didn't want to have to explain to
anyone how she felt, she just wanted to hold on and never let go.  She
wanted the world to stop spinning and everything to make sense.  Carly had
tried hard to convince herself when she was with Tony that what they had
was love.  Looking back, though, she knew that being with him was never
right.  She never felt safe, or secure.  She always felt like she had to
lie or pretend with him, that if he ever knew who she really was, he'd
leave, and she'd be alone.

Alone.  That was worse than unhappy.  Yet here she was, alone....*and*
unhappy.  "There is NO way I'm going to think about this, now," she told
herself as she slid out of her soaking coat and sat down in a chair by the
window to wait for the news.  "No need to work yourself up until you know
what's going on."

--

"Emily?"

"Lucky, Liz?!"  Emily wiped the tears from her eyes and tried to compose
herself.  "Hi guys.  I guess you heard?"

"Yeah, we just heard.  It was on the news.  Apparently half of the media in
Port Charles was invited to the gala for the Docks Project.  I guess it's a
hot news item."  Liz and Emily weren't close, but they had made some
progress in the last month and Emily was the closest thing Liz had to a
girlfriend these days.

"Yeah, well, it's good that you came."

"Well, you know, family."  Lucky said.

"Are you close?  You and Carly?"

"Not really.  I mean, I don't really know her that well.  She's kind of
caused a lot of problems around here, but she's Bobbie's daughter, and the
kid's pretty cool, I met him once or twice.  Jason's been good to me, too,
so I just thought we'd see how things were."

"Well, I guess everyone's hopeful.  It's bad, but there's a good chance
he'll pull through.  Anyway, I'm going to go find Jason and see how he's
doing.  I haven't seen much of him.  He's been trying to avoid the family."

"I hope things turn out OK."

"Thanks Liz.  See ya 'round guys."

"Bye Emily."  Lucky was still unsure how to act around Emily.  They used to
be such good friends once, but so much had happened, and she wasn't the
same girl he used to know.  Besides, she was always around Nikolas, and
that was certainly not a relationship he wanted to advance.

"You know, Lucky," Liz interrupted his thoughts, "Why *are* we here,
actually?  You don't even know Carly very well--"

"Yeah, just one more thing my dad lied to me about.  I don't know.  Family
used to be such a big catch phrase in our house.  Family this, and family
that.  Like it was the answer to everything.  Suddenly, I just don't feel
that way so much anymore, like I'm just on the outside looking in.  I don't
know Carly, and I don't even know if I'd like her much if I did.  But, when
I heard Michael was in the hospital, it's like watching Lulu all over
again.  I guess I just needed to hear for myself that everything is going
to be OK."

--
Don't you draw the Queen of Diamonds boy, she'll beat you if she's able.
You know the Queen of Hearts is always your best bet.
Now it seems to me some fine things have been laid upon your table,
But you only want the ones you can't get.
--

"Carly?"  Kevin asked.

She didn't answer, just kept staring out the front windows of the waiting
room.

"How are things?  Have you heard?"

Carly just shrugged.  "Ask the Quartermaines.  They aren't sharing.  Not
with *me* anyway," she said angrily.

"I know this is difficult, do you want to talk?"

"No."  With that she stood up and walked to the other side of the waiting room.

"Kevin, I'm sorry.  She's been like that practically since she's been here."

"Don't worry about it, Bobbie.  She's just scared, and understandably so.
For some people, anger is a much more comfortable emotion than fear.  It's
easier to understand, emotionally safer."

"Well, this IS Carly.  I don't think she feels alive unless she's fighting
someone."

"I've only had one session with her, but I have noticed that she's
extremely guarded when it comes to her emotions.  She'll talk when she's
ready.  For now, just let her know that you're here."

--

"Carly?"

Carly started at the hand on her shoulder.  The contact surprised her.
Since she had reached out and hugged Jason, this was the first physical
contact she'd had with anyone.  "What do you want?"  She asked bitterly.

"I don't want anything.  Just to see how you are."  Bobbie said, hoping to
comfort her daughter.  She knew how hard it is to just sit and wait while
your child's health is in question.

"How do you think I am?  My son's in the hospital having the second major
surgery of his life, and he's not even one yet!  Add that to the fact that
not one DAMN person in this whole building will be straight with me about
how things are and what the HELL is going on, and I'd say things are just
*peachy*!"

"Carly, I do know how you feel--"

"No, Bobbie, you don't know how I feel, because you were *there* for her.
You didn't run off and leave her for a month when she was a newborn.  You
weren't careless and let her get kidnapped.  You didn't spend 5 months
locked away from her because you couldn't exercise a little *self-control*.
I've spent my whole life blaming someone else for everything that's
happened to me, and look where I am.  Staring at the rain through a
hospital window, watching the last shreds of my life crumble around me,
waiting for someone to tell me if the one *good* thing I ever did with my
life is going to live, and you know what?  I don't have one damn person to
blame but myself."

"No, Carly, I didn't do those things, but I made my share of mistakes.
Above it all, though, she knew I loved her.  Just like Michael knows you
love him--"

"Does he?  How can he possibly know that?  I haven't been around enough
since he was born.  He knows Jason loves him.  I'm just another one of
those people around the house that feeds him and changes his diapers."

"Carly, stop it.  You can spend your whole life blaming everyone else for
everything that goes wrong, and you can spend your whole life blaming
yourself for everything that goes wrong.  They're both a waste of time.
You say he doesn't know you love him?  I say he does.  You spent the whole
morning with him today.  No Jason.  Just you and Michael and me, and he was
happy.  He stopped crying when you picked him up, and he laughed when you
tickled him.  He's a child, Carly!  What else do you expect?  Like I said,
you've made a lot of mistakes, but he's still a baby.  You've got his whole
life to be the best mother you can--"

"What if this IS his whole life, Bobbie?"  Carly asked quietly.

"Then it would be an extremely tragic thing.  Burying a child is probably
the single hardest thing there is to do in the world, but life goes on, as
much as you may wish it wouldn't.  If that's what happens, life will go on,
and one day you'll wake up, and you won't feel like dying right along with
him.  I'm not saying it won't hurt, because it will.  That's something that
you'll never get over, but you *will* survive, Carly."

Carly looked doubtful, but didn't reply.  She just turned her head back to
look out the window.

"Don't do this to yourself.  Not now.  You have to stay strong.  I know
it's hard, but just hang on.  Michael will be out of surgery soon, and then
we'll know better.  There's every reason to believe he'll come through this
just fine."

"What then?  He's almost a year, and I haven't done much right so far.
What makes you think that will change?"

"Because you want it to--"

"It's not that simple, Bobbie.  What if he hates me?--"

"Why would he hate you?"

"Because that's what kids *do* to their parents.  I told my mama I hated
her.  Didn't you tell me that Lucky isn't living at home anymore?  I bet
you never pegged that one.  Lucas is still little, but what if one day he
comes to you and tells you he hates you for one reason or another?  What do
you do?"

"You keep loving them, because that's what parents *do* to their kids.  You
keep loving them and wait for the day when you work it out."

"Sometimes that day doesn't come.  My mama waited her whole life for that
day, and the last thing she ever heard from me before she died was 'go
away'."

"Carly, you're not your mother.  Either of us," Bobbie laughed a little,
hoping to lighten the mood, but saw that wasn't going to work.  " You made
some mistakes, yes, well actually you've made a lot of them.  You've got a
lot of growing up to do still, but you're there with him now.  Family's a
funny thing.  You don't pick your parents, and sometimes you get really
lousy ones.  But not Michael, he's lucky.  You and Jason both love him so
much--"

"Paging Nurse Spencer.  Bobbie Spencer, please report to the nurse's
station,"  A voice came over the PA system.

"Looks like I have to go.  I'll be around, so if you need me for anything,
just find me, or page me or something.  Being a parent, planned or not, is
one of the greatest blessings in this life.  I think you know that now.
Just love him, Carly, be honest with him, and do your best.  There were a
lot of lies going around for a while, and I was really worried at first,
but you've surprised me.  You've really changed.  As far as I'm concerned,
you don't have anything to worry about,"  Bobbie gave her daughter a smile
as she turned and left.

"If you only knew, Bobbie.  If you only knew," Carly whispered as soon as
Bobbie was out of earshot.  The irony of it all was almost too much to
overlook.  Listening to Bobbie go on about how honest she'd become, made
Carly sick to her stomach.  Here it was again.  The proverbial rock and a
hard place.  Carly had spent years avoiding one or the other by just
running away, but this time, that wasn't an option.  She had to pick one.
The hurt was almost too much to bear as Carly realized what she had to do,
but for the first time in her life, she knew it had to be done, and she
wasn't going to back out now.

--
Desperado, you ain't gettin no younger,
Your pain and your hunger, they're drivin you home,
And freedom, oh freedom, well that's just some people talkin.
Your prison is walking through this world all alone.
--

"Jason?"  Carly was truly contrite as she came to Jason.  Her conviction
that she was doing the right thing was fading fast, but when she'd start to
falter, she just kept hearing Bobbie's voice in her head //You've really
changed// and she couldn't deny what she had to do.  "I've done a lot of
thinking, and I've come to a decision.  I need to tell AJ the truth."

"You what?!"  This was the last thing he expected to hear.  Especially now.
"Carly?!  Are you crazy?  You've been listening to the Quartermaines too
much.  I told you not to listen to them--"

"Jason, I can't pretend any more, I don't have the strength."

"Carly, you're just upset, I can't see how this is going to solve anything.
You'll come to your senses when this passes."

"No, Jason.  I thought a lot about this at Ferncliff, but I always pushed
it aside.  When I was talking to Bobbie tonight, I realized that I'm doing
the same thing that I hated my mama for so many years over.  Jason, I
didn't know I was adopted until I was 13 years old.  When I found out....."

"That's a completely different story.  How does that have anything to do
with Michael?"

"What if he dies, Jason?  What if AJ never knows he had a son?  A piece of
him?  I can't live with that."

"You had sex with him once, Carly, when you were both drunk!  He didn't
even remember it!  Why does that give him a right to call Michael his?  You
know the Quartermaines treat people like possessions--"

"OK then, forget AJ.  What if Michael lives?  What if when he's a teenager
it comes out somehow?

"It wouldn't.."

"You can't guarantee that.  Someone could slip up, a conversation could be
overheard, AJ could wise up.  Jason, there are a million possibilities!"

"Blood tests can be fixed, Carly."

"What will Michael think?  You say that you don't like it when people make
decisions for you.  Well, we're making one for him and we're forcing him
into it."

"He's too young to choose now, so we do the best we can for him.  If it
comes out in the future, then he's free to choose for himself."

"No, Jason, that's not how it works.  Maybe in your world, but not in the
real one.  I can't *lie* to my son.  How can you?  I don't want to have to.
I don't ever want to face the day when my son looks me in the eye and tells
me he hates me for lying to him and that he hopes he never sees me again.
I did that, Jason.  I *did* that, and I broke her heart."

"You're not your mother, Carly."

"No, but I am everything that I hated about her."

"Please, Carly.  Think this through.  Don't do anything you'll regret.  At
least wait until we know more.  You know what will happen--"

"You'll help me fight it!"

"What if I can't, Carly?!"  Jason had tears in his eyes now.  He'd never
admitted it to anyone, but that was his biggest fear.  That someone would
come to take Michael away from him, and there wouldn't be anything he could
do about it.  Robin and Carly both thought he had so much control over
things.  Secretly, though, he feared the day when that control would really
be tested and he would fall short,  "I don't want to lose Michael."

"And you think I do?!  But Jason, there are more ways to lose him than just
a custody battle with the Quartermaines.  Do you remember what I told you
in Florida?  What I was scared about more than anything?  That one day
Michael and I would start fighting and we'd never stop.  I can't do that.
That's worse than anything else I could imagine."

"Please, Carly, just wait."

"If it means that much to you, Jason, I will.  I will wait, for now.  But
please, I have to tell Bobbie.  I can't keep lying to her and then expect
her to be there for me."

"Carly, the more people that know--"

"Jason, she won't tell.  She may hate me after, but she won't tell if I ask
her not to."

"I hope you know what you're doing."

"I do, Jason.  For the first time in my life, I'm doing the right thing.  I
don't know how to explain it.  It's like when I held Michael for the first
time, and when I looked at Bobbie, I just *knew* I had to tell her the
truth--"

"Yeah, well, that was a mess, Carly.  Do you even remember the fallout from
that?!"

"Of course I do, but look where things are now.  It isn't exactly what I
always dreamed, but it's so much better than it was.  You'll see Jason."

"Whatever.  Leticia brought you some clothes from the penthouse to change
into.  Change, get a cup of coffee or something and take a deep breath.  If
you still think that telling Bobbie is the right thing to do, I won't stop
you."

--
Don't your feet get cold in the wintertime,
The sky won't snow and the sun won't shine,
It's hard to tell the nighttime from the day.
And you're losin all your highs and lows,
Ain't it funny how the feelin goes away?
--

Carly had changed, and was glad for it.  Now in a purple tee-shirt and blue
jeans, she had been able to brush her hair back into a ponytail and splash
cold water on her face.  She'd come close to backing out of telling Bobbie
several times.  When she had finally garnered the courage to just do it,
she was told that Bobbie was in with a patient and couldn't be disturbed.
Carly felt deflated, but not broken.  She made her way back to the waiting
room, knowing that Bobbie would pass through sooner or later, and she would
do it then.

"Hello?  Is anyone around?  Oh well, you'll do.  Connie, no Carla--"

"Carly--"

"Yeah, whatever, doesn't matter.  Have you seen the Quartermaines?  I mean,
I just heard about their grandson and Alan is one of my favorite
ex-husbands--"

"Oh Lacey, no Loni--"

"Lucy--"

"Yeah, whatever, doesn't matter.  As much as I'd love to help you, I
haven't seen them recently, but I'd check the waterhole, I hear they're
circling."

Lucy just rolled her eyes and walked away.  After all, what should she have
expected from *her*.

"You two don't seem to get along?"  Eve walked over from the desk, and
handed Carly a glass of orange juice.

Carly laughs bitterly, "I don't even KNOW her.  I think we've met maybe
once or twice?  I think she's one of Tony's ex-wives.  You'd think that
would garner some sympathy in my corner."  Carly looked up and realized who
she was talking to.

"I'm sorry.  I don't even know you.  I guess I just operate under the
illusion that everyone's talking about me."

"Probably.  When they're not talking about me, that is," Eve said with a
smile and a wink, "I'm Eve."

"I'm Carly.  Thanks for the juice."

"I know, and you're welcome.  As an aside, I don't hold membership in the
Lucy Coe fanclub, either, so you're safe here."

Carly tried to laugh, "Well, like I said, I don't really know her.  I
thought she was engaged to Dr. Collins?  He seems OK, so I guess there's
something to her?"

"He is great, but they're not engaged anymore, he broke it off.  Honesty
problems."

"Huh," Carly sighed sadly, "I know how that goes."

"Me too.  If you don't mind me changing the subject, how are you holding up?"

"Not very well I'm afraid.  I've messed up.  Big time.  So, I sit here
wondering what happens if I lose the one thing in the world that means
anything to me.  I always thought I knew what love was, but I didn't.  What
if it's too late?  What if he doesn't make it?"

"Shh.  You can't think like that.  You have to stay positive now or you'll
eat yourself alive."

"Well, that's easier said than done."

"I can only imagine what a hell this is you're going through.  I just want
you to know that I'm here if you want to talk.  I know we don't know each
other, but sometimes it's easier to talk to someone you don't know."

"Thanks, I appreaciate that.  Eve, right?"

"Ms. Benson?"  Chris came around the corner, "The surgery is finished, and
the doctor would like to talk to you."

Before he could finish, Carly was racing toward the waiting room.

--
Desperado, why don't you come to your senses,
Come down from your fences- open the gates.
It may be rainin, but there's a rainbow above you.
You'd better let somebody love you,
Let somebody love you.
You'd better let somebody love you,
before it's too late.
--

"Caroline Benson?"

"Yes?"

"My name is Dr. Richard Thomas.  I'm a cardiologist here at General
Hospital, and I was the one to work on your son in the operating room."

"Wh...what's happening now?"  Carly was trying desperately to fight off the
gnawing ache in the pit of her stomach.

"I'm afraid I have some bad news."


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