"What?!"

Carly practically hissed the word, her voice holding a tumultuous
combination of paranoia and confusion.  There was no way she had heard
him
right.  No way in hell.  Jason didn't know anything about marriage.  He
didn't see the point.  One might say he didn't believe in it.  He must
have said something else.  Maybe something like, 'carry me' or 'hairy
knee' ... Something.  Anything.

The words *she* had said though, were unmistakable.  Carly couldn't take
them
back. And it was probably better this way.  So she'd blurted them out.
So
what?  Jason hated people who beat around the bush anyway.  She bit down
hard on her bottom lip, waiting for him to repeat what he had said.

He didn't.  His expression was as shocked as Carly's.  Instead, he did
what
Carly hated most.  Answered a question with a question.

"You're what?"

Jason saw the little pink stick she was holding.  He saw the plus sign
on
it.  But he had no idea what it meant.  Oh, he had a vague idea.  But
the
concept was so foreign to him that he had no idea how to process this
information.   Maybe he'd misheard.  Yes, that was it.  It had to be.
There was no way--

Carly interrupted his thoughts with a shrill laugh.  It sounded almost
hysterical.  She backed away, staring at him with wild eyes.  She was
visibly shaking and Jason wanted to reach out to her.  But when he did,
she
backed even further away.  As though the invisible air between them
would
magically cause both questions hanging in the balance to disappear.

Jason pulled his hands back to his sides, squeezing the small velvet box
shut.  It closed with a loud 'pop!' and Carly nearly jumped out of her
skin
at the sound.  Jason shoved it back into his pocket and reached out once
again with his free hand, stepping tentatively toward her.

"Carly, come on..."  his voice was at such a low pitch because of the
fear
that was suddenly coursing through him, that his words came out as
almost a
growl.  "What is it?"

Carly laughed again, sounding more like a howling banshee this time.
She
was definitely losing it.  She began to shake even more violently and
suddenly felt so nauseous she feared she'd lose her lunch right there on
the carpet.  Swallowing hard helped.  Pulling in a violent, shuddering
breath helped somewhat too.  Carly pushed it out and forced herself to
do
it again. Oxygen.  It was nice.  Friendly.  It helped her.  Oh beloved
oxygen.  She finally found her voice and opened her mouth, having no
idea
what words would come tumbling out.  That kind of control, the kind
where
your mind told you what you were going to say a few seconds before you
said
it so you could edit it appropriately, was gone.

She ended up screaming.  Screaming and holding the little pink stick up,
waving it madly around in the air so close to Jason's face that he
couldn't
possibly miss it.

"DID YOU HEAR ME?!?!  I'M PREGNANT!"

Jason sucked in a sharp breath, refusing to blow it out.  He looked at
Carly as though she'd sprouted another head.  It wasn't that he didn't
understand.   Or even that he didn't believe her.  It was ... he
couldn't
quite figure it.  Something was freezing him up.  He felt numb.  Out of
control.  Something he hated to be.  And there was something else.
Something overwhelming.  Fear.  Fear so strong it felt like it was
eating
him alive.  His knees buckled and he just barely staggered to the couch
before he collapsed.

The breath Jason had been holding was finally exhaled  when he landed
with
a thud on the soft, off-white cushions.  His head found it's way into
his
hands of it's own volition and he rocked himself back and forth,
groaning
silently.  He was scared.  Scared of a repeat of almost two years ago
when
Carly had miscarried a baby ... their baby.   Jason was a different
person
back then, and yet he'd still felt an overwhelming loss when he'd found
out
about the miscarriage.  It was like a part of him had died, and he'd
never
gotten it back.  And now, it could happen all over again.

Carly looked at Jason, in such obvious pain, and wondered if he was
thinking the same thoughts as she was.  Was he scared of losing another
baby?  Or was he scared of having one?  Had he asked her to marry him?
Why?  Did he somehow know?  Had Bobbie told him she'd bought the test?
The
questions swirled around in her mind, each one coming so fast after  the
other she didn't know where one began and the other one ended.  She had
to
sit down.  Her breath was coming in short gasps and she felt dizzy.  If
she
wasn't careful, she was going to hyperventilate.

Carly sat, next to Jason, so near him that she was almost touching him.
He
lifted his head and looked at her, again, that same confused look.   It
seemed like he was almost looking *through* her, but when she shifted
under
his stare, her leg brushed against his and brought him crashing back
into
the moment.

"Carly."

He wasn't quite sure why he said her name.  But it sounded nice.  And he
was glad he said it.  Maybe even if it just let her know that he was
there
with her, in the reality that was suddenly upon them.  His throat felt
dry
and scratchy, and he realized his breathing had been heavy and ragged.
He
calmed himself, breathing in and out slowly, and swallowing several
times
to lubricate his throat again.  It felt good. He definitely had a grip
on
things now.

Carly was watching him.  She'd heard him say her name but wasn't quite
sure
why.  It seemed like he was getting himself together.  This was a good
sign, considering she couldn't make rational sense of any thought
finding
it's way into her brain at this moment.  She felt like she was going to
cry.  No, not cry ... wail.  Wail and yell and kick and scream until
someone
came and made it better.

But what was going  to make it better?  The baby inside of her suddenly
disappearing?  She knew that wasn't true.  That had happened almost two
years ago, and she felt sick just thinking about it.  It had freaked her
out.  Made her leave Jason, the man she loved, for a years time.  She
hadn't been able to face anyone, even herself, for destroying that life.
She wasn't about to do that again.

"Carly, please come here."

Jason was speaking to her again. He'd said more than her name this time.
Carly turned her body to face him, and forced her eyes up to his.  She
hadn't heard what he said, but knew the instant she looked at his face.
His arms were open to her, his face a mixture of pleading, concern, and
still, confusion.  That was all it took. The fact that Carly could read
his
expression meant he was feeling more now then he'd felt in a long time.
She let herself lean into him, and didn't resist when he pulled her all
the
way into his arms and closed them around her, creating a protective
haven
for her.

Carly felt so safe in his arms, that her emotions broke loose and she
began
to sob.  Her entire body shook and the tears coursed down her face at
such
an alarming rate  they soaked the front of Jason's shirt in a minutes
time.
Carly didn't notice, or care.  She pressed herself into him, her hands
clenching the sides of his T-shirt into tight twisted balls.  And she
wailed.  The way she wanted to.  The way she needed to.

Jason squeezed his eyes shut, pressing his cheek into Carly's hair and
listening to every heart-wrenching sob.  Somehow, he knew exactly what
was
making her cry this way.  She was scared.  Agonizingly terrified.  He
knew,
because he felt the exact same way.  He didn't know if he could handle
losing this child.  The last one was one of the hardest things he'd ever
had to deal with ... and he hadn't even known about that one until it
was too
late.  But this child, it was a part of him, and a part of Carly, and
they'd created it together out of love.  And that was almost too much to
handle right now.

"Shhhh..." Jason soothed, whispering softly into Carly's ear.  "It's
okay.
Everything's gonna be okay ... I promise."  He closed his eyes as he
said
those last words, believing them with all of his heart.

Carly pulled violently away and stood abruptly, blinking at him with
puffy,
red eyes.  She raked her hand roughly through her hair, removing the
strands that had stuck to her cheeks and forehead.

"Don't promise me that, Jason!"  she exploded, standing over him
accusingly. "You don't know!  You can't make a promise like that cause
you
don't know!"

Jason stayed calm, but stood so that he wouldn't be caught in her
reprehensible stare.  "I do know, Carly," he began, his voice soft and
low.
He was hoping to calm Carly down and put her at ease. He knew it
wouldn't
be an easy task.

"I know because I want to marry you.  And no matter what happens with
this
baby, we can get through it together cause we love each other."

Carly began to laugh again,  not as hysterically, but disbelieving.
Jason's heart skipped several beats at the sound.

"Isn't that cozy sounding, Jase?"  she said brashly.  "Everything will
be
okay because we are in love?  Come on!  You know as well as I do that's
not
how it works. If it was, everybody would stay together!"

Jason closed his eyes again, this time keeping them closed as he
regained his composure.  When he opened them again, Carly had sat back
down, this time in the armchair next to the couch, and was sobbing
quietly into her hands.  Jason took a step forward but Carly looked up
immediately, stopping him in his tracks.

"You don't have to marry me.  I can take care of this child on my own."

Jason shook his head, confused once again.  He rubbed his pocket where
the ring box sat with his fingers.  He wanted so badly to move closer,
but his feet were not hearing what his heart was saying.  So he didn't
move.

"Carly I *want* to marry you."  The tone in Jason's voice betrayed his
confusion.

Carly looked up, chewing on her lower lip as she regarded him with
apprehension.  She seemed to be processing a thought, then dipped her
head and shook it.  She studied the subtle pattern on the chair
underneath her legs, suddenly fascinated by the meshing neutral colors.

"It's no big deal, Jason," Carly said, purposely keeping her tone light.
"Don't, you know, feel obligated."

Jason seemed to suddenly find his ability to mobilize and stepped toward
her.  He picked the ring out of his pocket and flipped the velvet box
open again.  It sparkled against the light from a nearby lamp and
Jason's eyes were drawn to it.  He pulled it from it's plush cushion and
twirled it between his thumb and pointer finger, then kneeled down in
front of Carly and held it out to her.

"Marry me."

It was more of a statement than a question, and Carly nearly laughed out
loud.  It was so ... *him*.  She stared at the large diamond glittering
on a thin gold band.  Part of her wanted so badly to reach out and touch
it.  But it seemed so intangible at the same time.  Her hands stayed
crossed over her body, her eyes, glued to the gem.

"Carly."  Jason pushed the ring further toward her, placing his other
arm across her knees.  Maybe it was to balance himself.  Maybe it was to
be closer to her.  Carly wasn't sure.  She swallowed hard and blinked at
the ring again, then focused her eyes on Jason's.

He looked ... hopeful.  Carly smiled.

Her smile faded though, when her eyes traveled back to the ring.  Oh
god, she felt dizzy again.  She curled her hands over her knees and
rocked slightly to try to still her stomach.  It was all too much.  She
tried to say something.  Anything.  Say something!  "Jason, I ...
can't--"

Carly's voice broke and she began to sob.  Jason put the ring back in
his pocket once again, this time sans the velvet box, and shuffled
closer to the chair on his knees.  He pulled Carly to him in an awkward
hug, rubbing her back with gentle hands.  She stilled quickly, and
deliberately pulled herself out of his embrace.

"Don't do this just cause I'm pregnant."

Jason rubbed a hand over his eyes and through his hair.  "I'm not,
Carly.  I love you.  I decided I wanted to marry you weeks ago.  I
bought the ring yesterday.  I came here to propose.  It has nothing to
do with this baby."

"Oh god Jason!"  Carly exploded, flailing her hands wildly and barely
missing Jason's face on several occasions.  "This has *everything* to do
with this baby!  Don't you get it?  Everything!"

Jason shook his head vigorously, heaving a large sigh as he did so.  "I
didn't know!" he shouted, slamming his hands which were clenched into
fists down onto the arms of the chair.  Carly didn't even flinch.  She
was too involved in her own rant.

"Maybe you didn't know, but it doesn't matter.  Now, everything's
different!" Carly's voice was hoarse with emotion, and she struggled to
keep it strong.  "You ask me to marry you like nothing's changed since I
told you I'm having *your* baby.  Everything's changed Jason!"

Jason was angry now, and he felt it through every inch of himself.  He
stood, his hands still clenched in fists, and paced a few times in front
of her before stopping at the place he had kneeled before and looking
down at Carly.  "*What*?!  What's changed, Carly?  Tell me!"

Carly's breath came in short gasps.  She looked up at Jason
incredulously and put a hand over her stomach.  Her voice came  out
calm, quiet.  It was frightening.  "Do you really have to ask?  Did you
forget what happened two years ago?  Did you forget what I did?"

Jason unclenched his fists and took several steps back, letting himself
calm down before he spoke.  His eyes traveled from Carly's face to her
hand resting on her stomach.  "I remember what happened."  He stepped
even further back and leaned up against the opposite wall.  It seemed
like it was the only thing that was going to keep him standing at this
point.

Fury whipped through Carly so suddenly, she didn't even know it had hit
her.  The sudden rush of adrenaline pushed her up and out of the chair
she was sitting in so quickly, she looked around, surprised to find
herself out of her seat.  Her eyes focused on Jason again, looking
defeated and utterly exhausted.  She thought about what she'd done two
years ago, and the baby inside her now.  Tears welled up in her eyes as
the blood in her veins ran ice cold.

"I KILLED OUR CHILD, JASON!  ME!  I KILLED AN INNOCENT LITTLE BABY
BECAUSE I COULDN'T TAKE CARE OF MYSELF!"

The words resonated through the small apartment and buried themselves
into Jason's mind, so deep, he thought he'd be hearing them forever.
Tears sprung to his eyes and a sob choked in his throat.  Carly still
blamed herself.  To this day.  Before he knew what he was doing, Jason
swung around, his fist coming into strong contact with the wall behind
him.  The plaster cracked and splintered into pieces, and Jason found
his hand in a newly created hole about five inches in diameter in
Carly's wall.

Carly stared at the hole, temporarily frozen in place by Jason's sudden
violent act.  He automatically stepped forward again, and reached out
for her. "It wasn't your fault!"

"No!"  Carly screamed, completely out of control now.  "No!  Don't tell
me it wasn't my fault!  You need to stop being so damn stubborn and get
the hell away from me before I ruin your *whole* life!"

Jason shook his head violently and several tears spilled over his lids
and slid down his cheeks.  "Don't do this, Carly.  I'm begging you.
Don't do this.  How many times do I have to tell you I want you ... I
need you ... I LOVE YOU!"

Carly shook her head, her palms ground into her eyes.  "No, no, no, no,
no..."

"Yes!"  Jason shouted, going to her and circling her wrists with his
hands, pulling her palms from her eyes.  "Yes!  Look at me, Carly!"
Jason let go of one of her wrists, placing his finger under her chin and
forcing her up to face him.  His hand throbbed, and was beginning to
swell slightly.  "Do you hear me?  I love you!  Why can't you believe
me?!"

Jason's voice broke and his expression crumpled as more tears flowed
down his cheeks.  Carly watched him as though she wasn't really seeing.
She felt numb.  Her free hand reached up to his face on it's own,
absently wiping tears away.  Every thought in her head was muddled.
Please stop ... I can't take this ... Make me forget  ... Leave me while
you can ...

"Carly, you need to calm down.  Let me help you, okay?"  Jason's voice
was soft, composed.  He'd finally stopped crying and had managed to pull
Carly into his arms.  He was holding her, rocking her softly back and
forth, as though they were dancing.  Jason dipped his head, burying his
face into her hair and breathing steadily into her neck.  She smelled
sweet, like honeysuckle.

"I'm gonna fight for you baby.  I'm not gonna let you leave me again."
Jason murmured these words with so much conviction, he sounded almost
threatening.  Maybe he was.  He was telling the truth, that he knew.
There was no way he was going to let her leave.  He'd fight until she
told him she didn't love him.  Until she told him to leave her alone and
never bother her again. And even then he'd probably fight.

Carly just let herself wilt against him.  She was exhausted, and she
could barely keep her puffy eyes open.  They burned each time she
blinked.  She couldn't fight any more. Not tonight.  When Jason's left
arm encased her shoulder, and he bent down to hook his right arm behind
her knees, Carly didn't protest.  He swept her up into his arms in a
grandiose gesture, and carried her the few yards to her bedroom.  As he
laid her down on her bed, his hand seared in pain and Jason winced,
pulling it quickly from underneath her.

"Let me get something for that," Carly mumbled, almost incoherently.
Her eyes were only half open, and she reached vaguely for Jason's
injured hand.

"No," Jason insisted, using his healthy hand to brush the hair off
Carly's forehead and adjust the pillow behind her head.  "Close your
eyes."  Carly obeyed, and Jason could tell she relaxed immediately.  He
smiled sadly, caressing her cheek gently.

"We'll talk about this tomorrow?"  Carly murmured, her voice heavy with
sleep.

Jason chuckled slightly and swallowed hard, blinking back tears.  "Yeah,
tomorrow," he whispered, leaning over to brush Carly's lips with his as
her breathing evened out and became deep and heavy.  He sat, watching
Carly sleep for a few moments before returning to the living room.

Jason occupied the chair Carly had sat in earlier, and pulled the ring
out of his pocket, eyeing the black velvet box that had found it's way
onto the floor near his feet.  He leaned over and picked it up,
replacing the diamond ring into it's cushion.  He held the box between
his fingers, staring at the sparkling gem.  Tears formed in his eyes
once again, and a few dripped from his cheeks and landed on his hand
that was slowly turning purple.  Things had not exactly gone as he'd
planned that night.  Okay, who was he kidding.  They went pretty much
opposite the way he'd hoped.  Carly was pregnant.  With his child.  That
responsibility was overwhelming.  Carly had said it.  They could barely
take care of themselves.

But the thought of losing this child .... or not having it now that he
knew it existed, was even more devastating than anything he'd ever
experienced.  And he couldn't go through it again.  Jason looked again
at the ring in the box.  He heaved a sigh and snapped the lid of the box
shut, squeezing it in his fist.  He suddenly knew what he had to do.

*~*~*

Carly awoke to a severe pounding in her head.  She reached blindly for
the aspirin on her night stand and groaned as she wrestled with the
child-proof cap.  When the cap finally popped off and disappeared into
the folds of her comforter, she tapped two pills out of the bottle and
shoved them into her mouth, almost urgently, without water.

Carly's eyes were finally opening of their own accord as she placed the
aspirin bottle back on the night stand.  Everything around her looked
blurry.  Her eyes hurt.  They were burning slightly, and she knew they
must be puffy and bloodshot.  The reflection in Carly's mirror confirmed
her suspicions.  "Oh god..." she muttered, and ushered herself off to
the bathroom to try to salvage her appearance.

Her face freshly scrubbed, her flaxen hair pulled into a high ponytail,
Carly finally resurfaced and found Jason asleep in the chair in her
living room, the black velvet box clasped tightly in his hand.  The box
that inevitably contained a very large diamond ring.  Carly swallowed
hard and stared at the little box.  Oh god .... what was in that box was
just too much.

Carly's hand involuntarily reached out, almost brushing Jason's.  She
pulled it back, looking at it as though it was on fire.  What the hell
had made her do that?  She dropped her arm to her side,  but somehow, it
contracted again.  This time, her fingertips brushed his closed fist,
feeling his skin and the soft velvet of the box.  It sent electric
shocks through her fingers and up her arm.  Carly felt herself begin to
shake all over as she stroked the back of Jason's hand, gently easing
her own hand under his fist as he unconsciously loosened his grip on the
box and let it drop into Carly's hand.

Carly held the box out in front of her, as though it was some sort of
explosive.  Her eyes darted nervously to Jason, who groaned and shifted
in the chair.  His eyes stayed glued shut, and Carly let out the breath
she'd been holding and let her gaze wander back to the illusive black
box.  Okay, get ahold of yourself, damn it.

She sat herself on the couch and held the box up in front of her face,
opening it a few millimeters, just barely enough to see a slight sparkle
of gold, before slamming it shut again.  As the box closed with a loud
pop, Carly looked nervously at Jason one more time, who showed no sign
of waking.  She shook her head, grumbling from deep in her throat and
forcing herself to open the box again, all the way this time.

Carly's eyes roamed over the beautiful diamond.  She sucked in a breath
and blew it out softly, as she turned the box around and around in her
hand.  It had to be at least three karats.  It was definitely a large,
expensive diamond.  One that she should want so badly on her left ring
finger.  The fact that it was from Jason ... god ... that should be
making her jump for joy.  But she wasn't.  She was scared as hell.  She
wanted to run ...  far, far away.

As though reading her thoughts, and keeping to his promise to not let
Carly leave him again, Jason stirred in the chair, pulling himself
further into a sitting position and rubbing his eyes.  He immediately
spotted the shiny ring in the black velvet box in Carly's hand.  And no
sooner had he settled his gaze on it, when the box snapped shut and
Carly threw it back at him like it was a hot potato.

Jason watched as it fell into his lap, and picked it up again, watching
Carly with a confused expression.  "It's okay, you can look at it," he
lamented, holding the box back out to her.

Carly shook her head and shrunk farther back on the sofa.  "No.  I don't
even want it to exist.  Much less look at it."

Jason opened his mouth to speak, then shut it again, not sure of how to
respond.  He shrugged, placing the box gingerly on the coffee table and
leaning forward, resting his elbows on his knees.

"Carly, don't say stuff like that."

Carly rolled her eyes and raked her fingers through her hair.  "Okay,
Jase, you know what?  This is one huge gigantic mistake."

"What?"  Jason asked, his eyes not wavering from Carly.  "What's a huge
mistake?  What?"

Carly bit down on her lower lip and closed her eyes briefly, exhaling
hard before opening her eyes again.  "This," she said, gesturing in the
space between her and Jason.  "This, everything, us, this..."

Jason shook his head vigorously and scooted forward in the chair.  He
fixed his intense blue eyes on Carly's and spoke with such a
determination, it frightened him.  "No.  No, it's not Carly.  You know
it.  There's no way you can't know it.  I love you, and as much as you
hate to admit it, you love me, and that's how I know it's not a mistake.
Okay.  You don't have to marry me if you don't want to.  If you're not
ready or whatever, but you can't push me away.  You can't leave me.
This baby is freaking you out.   And that's okay.  I mean, I'm scared
too.  But Jesus Christ Carly, you think pushing me away is going to make
it any easier?!  Cause it's only going to make it harder.  Okay, so we
weren't prepared, and we don't know anything about taking care of a
child, but we'll learn.  There's gotta be books and stuff, right?  And
Bobbie will help us, I know she will--"

Jason stopped himself.  He was rambling, and he *never* rambled.  But
there was so much he wanted to say and had no idea how to coherently say
it.  He had been looking at Carly as he talked, but not really seeing
her.  As she finally came back into focus in his eyes, she was staring
at him ... was it, incredulously?  He couldn't quite be sure.  But it
didn't matter.  Even if it hadn't made sense, every word he'd said was
true.  And he hoped Carly had heard it all, and maybe understood at
least part of it, cause he wasn't sure he could put those feelings into
words again.

"You are so ... perfect," Carly said softly, smiling sadly at him.  "I
just, I can't do this.  It's too much for me.  Don't you understand
that?  I don't handle things like this.  I run away.  I run fast and far
until the problem is just a little bitty speck on the distant horizon."

Jason nodded, as though he understood, although he didn't.  "Are you
telling me you're going to run no matter what I say?"

Carly nodded slowly, afraid to meet Jason's gaze.  "I'm not gonna run,
from this town, but I need to run from you.  I need to be alone.  To
deal with this on my own."

Jason looked at Carly incredulously, then cast his gaze down to his
hands, clasped tightly in each other between his knees.  The one he'd
used to unleash his anger on Carly's living room wall was still slightly
discolored, but didn't hurt much more than a dull ache anymore.
Normally he didn't question people's decisions.  But he knew Carly, and
he couldn't let this go.  "Why?"

Carly finally let her eyes travel up to Jason's but as he stared deep
into her, she dropped her gaze.  "Because I -- I just -- I have to."

Jason raised his eyebrows.  "You *have* to?  Explain it to me, please,
cause I don't understand.  Tell me exactly how it's going to be easier
*without* me around to help you."

Carly laughed a short, bitter laugh.  "It's not going to be easier for
me, Jase, it's gonna be easier for you.  Don't you get it?  I screw
everything up!"  Her tenor began to rise and anger began to course
through her.  "Everything, Jason!  Everything I touch tarnishes!"  Carly
stood up, her hands clasping into fists at her sides.  "Do you
understand, Jason?!  I can't do right by you.  I can't even carry a
child inside of me.  I'll kill it.  Your child, Jason.  Do you get
that?!  Yours!"  Her voice cracked and a torrent of tears unleashed down
her cheeks.

Jason jumped up clasped her shoulders in his hands, his eyes boring into
hers.  "Do you hear yourself?  How can you believe what you're saying?
I'm not gonna let you do this again.  We went through this last night.
You are *the* most important thing in my life.  Do you get that?  I
mean, do you believe me when I say that?"

Carly was silent.  Only soft sobs could be heard.

"Do you believe me when I say that, Carly?!"

Carly looked up at Jason with damp eyes.  She bit down on her lower lip.
She didn't answer.

"DO YOU BELIEVE ME, CARLY!!"

"Yes."

Jason let a heavy sigh escape him.  His voice grew soft again, and his
loosened his grip on her shoulders, sliding his hands gently from her
bicep to her elbow and back up again.

"But I don't know why, I mean, I think you're just --"  Carly added, her
voice shaking with uncertainty.

Jason shook his head and chuckled a bit.  "No... come on Carly.  I told
you you're the most important thing to me and you know I don't lie.  So
just believe it, okay?  Who cares why?  Who knows why you hang out with
me?  You just do, right?"

Carly nodded, dejected.

"Okay," Jason began with renewed confidence.  "Now answer me this.  Did
you teach me most of the things I know about everyday life?  Manners and
all that stuff?"

Carly looked up at Jason suspiciously.  "Yeah, so?"

"Am I screwed up?"

Carly smiled slightly.  "No. I mean, not most of the time."

Jason grinned as well.  "Okay, so doesn't that mean that you *don't*
screw up everything?"

Carly looked back down again and shook her head, disbelieving.  "Oh god,
Jase, that's not even the same thing."

Jason released one hand from Carly's shoulder and used his pointer
finger to guide Carly's chin up, forcing her to lock eyes with him.
"You're not a screw up.  Sometimes you act without thinking, and you run
scared more than anyone I know.  But beyond all that, you're smart.  And
you're brave.  And nobody messes with you and gets away with it.  Those
are things to be proud of Carly.  *I'm* proud of you.  You've made me
happy, which is something I never thought I'd be."

Carly sucked in a breath and wiped the tears from her face.  Jason
studied her, pausing for a moment, before continuing.

"When I woke up, and hated everybody and everything, you can't even
imagine how I felt.  I was scared and completely alone.  You were the
first person I could actually stand to be around.  Much less like.  More
importantly, you were the first person I could trust.  Do you have any
idea what that means to me?"

Carly's lower lip quivered again and she bit down hard on it, trying to
keep the tears at bay.  Oh god, why did he have to say things like that?
This was too hard.  Everything was too hard all the time.  Why did it
seem like she could never handle her own life?  Carly was tired of
feeling out of control.  A few tears slipped past her lids.  She opened
her mouth to rebut, but a small whisper came out instead.

"I'm scared, Jason."

Jason circled his arms around Carly, ignoring the fact that she didn't
return the hug.  He rested his chin on top of her head and breathed a
heavy sigh.  "I know," he whispered, his voice carrying out into the air
above their heads.  His eyes fixed on the hole he'd created with his
fist the night before and he shuddered a breath into his lungs.  "Me
too."
 

Innocence Lost Ch. 30

Carly let herself quietly into Bobbie's house and crossed the foyer and
living room, poking her head into the kitchen before making her presence
known.  She cleared her throat quietly, hoping not to startle her
mother.

"Hey, you got a minute?"

Bobbie didn't even flinch as she turned away from the coffee machine and
held a cup out to Carly.  "Of course. What's up?  You look like hell."

Carly smirked and took the cup.  "Thanks."  She paused, then sat down in
one of the chairs at the dining table, biting thoughtfully on her bottom
lip.  "Listen, um...there's something going on that you should know
about."

Bobbie nodded resolutely, sitting in the chair across from her daughter.
"You took the test."  It was more of a statement than a question,
although Bobbie's eyes were searching Carly's for answers.

"Yeah...” Carly drawled, deliberately biding time.

Bobbie rolled her eyes and pressed.  "And?"

"I'm pregnant, Bobbie."

Bobbie reached across the table and snatched the coffee cup out of
Carly's hand before she could take a sip.  Carly groaned but didn't
protest further.  "But that's not even all."

Bobbie widened her eyes and took a sip out of the cup she'd just taken
from Carly.  "There's more?"

"Jason asked me to marry him."

Bobbie's eyes lit up and she set the cup down in front of her.  "Carly!
That's great!  Right?"  She regarded Carly curiously who looked like her
favorite pet had just been run over.  She decided she'd better backpedal
a bit.  "Or...not..?"

Carly sighed resolutely, picking at her nails.  "Not."

Bobbie sighed as well, wrapping her hands around the coffee cup and
staring into the dark, steaming liquid.  "You can't possibly think he's
just doing it because you're pregnant.  As little as I know of Jason
Morgan, I know his mind doesn't work like that."

"No, I know he's not,” Carly muttered, her voice projecting barely any
emotion.  "He asked before I told him I was pregnant.  Or at the same
time.  Whatever.  We fought about it all night.  He gave me this."

Carly reached down and pulled the small black velvet box from her purse.
She held it out to Bobbie who regarded her unassuredly for a moment
before flipping the top open.

"Oh my god,” she gasped, her eyes flitting over the sparkling diamond.
"Carly, that's gorgeous."

Carly smirked and rolled her eyes.  "I know."
 
Bobbie flipped the box closed and set it carefully on the table.
"Carly, don't try to tell me you don't want to accept his proposal.
Anyone who has eyes can see you're head over heels."

"Head, heels, whatever.  I'm going out of my mind!"  Carly's voice was
steadily rising and it was clear that she was getting agitated.  "I
can't tell him I'll marry him.  I can't.  That's a promise and I'm not
sure I can keep it.  And his big thing is if I make a promise I keep it.
And I know I'm gonna get scared and run.  I know it."

Bobbie shook her head and fingered the velvet box she'd placed on the
table.  "Do you ever listen to yourself?  You sound ridiculous."

"Excuse me?"  Carly's eyes flashed anger.

"You're telling me that you want to marry this man and you won't cause
you *might* get scared one day?  Give me a break, kiddo!  We all get
scared.  You're in love and the man you love wants to give himself to
you for the rest of his life.  Do you know how lucky you are?!  So
you're pregnant and you didn't expect it.  It happens."

Carly laughed incredulously at Bobbie. "We used condoms!  It wasn't
supposed to happen!  How can I deal with that?!"

"Condoms fail.  You know that better than anyone,"  Bobbie admonished,
leaning back in her chair and once again curling her fingers around the
coffee cup.

"A condom's entire purpose in life is NOT to fail.  It's what it was
created for!"  Carly squealed lamely, knowing that this argument was
futile.  No amount of hemming and hawing over what was supposed to or
not supposed to happen was going to change what *did* happen.

Bobbie laughed.  "Come on Carly.  You sound ridiculous. "

"Again?"  Carly sneered, wondering why the hell she was sitting here
putting up with this.

"Carly please,"  Bobbie sighed.  She was going to get through to her
daughter this morning if it killed her.  It was just a matter of asking
the right questions and not pushing the wrong buttons.  "What are you
really scared of?"

Carly shook her head and turned her attention back to her nails.  She
spoke quietly, almost in a whisper.  "I'm gonna screw this up somehow.
Like I screw up everything."

"You don't screw up everything."  Bobbie's voice was resolute, even if a
slight bit disbelieving.

Carly laughed incredulously and reached down,  taking off her shoe.  "Do
you want to put these on Bobbie?  Do you want to walk in them for a day?
Try not to screw something up when you're *me*.  It's impossible.
Screwing up is my destiny.  I've accepted it, I really have."

Bobbie snickered, taking in the sight of Carly holding out her scuffed
white sneaker.  "Give me a break.  Really, Carly!  You lost a baby
before.  That's what this is really about isn't it?"

Carly sniffled and looked up, meeting Bobbie's eyes briefly before she
dropped her gaze back down to the table, at the same time dropping her
shoe back onto the tiled floor.

Bobbie's tone softened, and she immediately regretted pushing so hard.
"Oh honey.  Miscarrying that baby wasn't your fault.  Your body wasn't
ready.  You know that."

"What if my body's not ready again?"  Carly sounded scared, and her
tenor had risen a few octaves.  She seemed to be holding back an
onslaught of tears, perhaps trying to remain calm because there was no
middle ground.  It was either this, or completely hysterical.

Bobbie kept her voice low, trying to sound like she did when she was
giving her patients families bad or inconclusive news.  "I can't promise
anything.  No one can.  But you owe it to yourself, to Jason...to this
baby...to try."

Carly smirked in spite of herself and Bobbie realized that she hadn't
even asked a very important question.  "Let me ask you this.  Are you
going to get rid of this baby?"

Carly looked up, meeting her mother's eyes for longer than she had the
entire morning. "You mean have an abortion?"

Bobbie nodded, not breaking her daughter's stare.  "Yes, I mean have an
abortion."

"No!"  Carly exclaimed, leaning back as though the question stung her.
"No way Bobbie!"

Bobbie heaved a relieved sigh and took another sip of coffee.  "Okay,
then think about this.  If you're going to lose this baby, you're going
to lose it with or without Jason by your side, right?"

Carly didn't say a word. She dropped her eyes to the table and studied
the intricate swirls of the natural cherry wood.  Her mind was racing.
Jason had told her the same thing, and although it made sense, somehow
her mind refused to process that way.

Bobbie leaned forward.  "Right?  Carly.  Come on, be reasonable.  What's
going to happen is going to happen whether or not you push Jason away.
And I can tell you this for certain.  It's going to be a hundred times
harder to deal with if he's not there to help you out."

Carly still didn't speak.  Yes of course.  She was right.  Jason was
right.  Didn't both of them know that she never made the right decision?
She could barely even wrap her mind around the concept of doing
something the easy way.  It wasn't her way.  It wasn't how she operated.
Wouldn't it be nice though...just once, not to have to fight with her
back up against the wall for something?

Bobbie was still speaking.  "Are you listening to me?  The odds are that
you will have a healthy, beautiful baby.  Then what?  You are always
welcome here, Carly.  You know that.  But won't it be so wonderful to
have a husband to take you and your new child home from the hospital?
Can't you just picture the day Jason brings you home, you and your baby,
and you have this little family that's all yours?"

Carly sighed.  How could she explain it?  "That's not my life Bobbie.
Things like that don't happen to me.  I've accepted that."

Bobbie laughed, half out of frustration, half out of disbelief.  "Why do
you make statements like that?  Who are you to say things like that
don't happen to you?  You're 23 years old.  How do you know?  When I was
23 I was a hooker.  I had no idea what my life could be and couldn't
be."

"That's different Bobbie,"  Carly said, her voice betraying impatience.
She raked her fingers through her hair and massaged the back of her
neck.

"How? Cause my life was so much better than yours back then?  Please.
Carly, if you want to compare war stories, I'm game.  You have not had
it easy.  That is for sure.  But if I can land on my feet, you can.  And
I'm not saying you need Jason to make it happen.  You don't.  I have
every faith that you can make a nice life for yourself, with or without
a man.  But you have Jason. You do.  And he loves you, Carly.  Anyone
can see it.  He'd move heaven and earth for you.  You saved him when he
thought nothing could.  If you want him, why not let him be there for
you?  He let you help him...let him return the favor.  Let him save you
from your fears Carly.  Jump in with both feet.  It's not your style not
to."

"As unorganized as that little speech was, it made sense, sort of,"
Carly admitted, smiling slightly at Bobbie.  She offered  nothing more.
She was determined to not let her mother's little pep talk get to her.

"Let me ask you this,"  Bobbie pressed.  "What is the hardest thing
you've ever had to do?"

Carly thought for a moment, then rested her chin in her hand.  "Confront
you.  And when I lost that baby."

"Okay, those two things.  Think about them."  Bobbie leaned forward, an
intense look in her eye.

"No,"  Carly shook her head and wrinkled her face.  "It makes me want to
throw up."

Bobbie laughed lightly and relented.  "Okay.  Well, is marrying Jason
and having his child and living happily ever after harder than those two
things?"

Carly rolled her eyes and sighed heavily.  "See that's my point."

"Is being happy harder than those two things?  Answer my question."

"No, Bobbie...BUT what if it doesn't work out for me? What if 'happily
ever after' isn't what's in the cards for me? That's what I'm scared of.
You don't think that when I look at the big simple picture:  putting
this beautiful ring on my finger, marrying Jason, having his child,
living together in bliss...you don't think that appeals to me? You don't
have to convince me that I could have a great life.  I know I could.
But Bobbie, it's all those hidden monsters in the corner that jump out
at no particular time for no particular reason and turn my whole life
upside down that I'm afraid of. Those are the details.  I'm not afraid
of the big picture.  I'm afraid of the details."

Bobbie rolled her neck back, as though she was suddenly exhausted.
"Like what exactly?  When has Jason ever dropped a 'detail bomb' on your
head?  He's not that type. Pretty much what you see is what you get with
him, right?"

"It's not Jason I'm afraid of,"  Carly admitted quietly.

"It's you,"  Bobbie stated, suddenly understanding her daughter with an
alarming clarity.

"Ding ding ding!  Give the woman a prize."  Carly snarled, laughing
slightly at the irony of this whole situation.

Bobbie dipped her head down and stared again at the coffee in the cup,
now sitting lukewarm instead of steaming hot.  "Why don't you have a
little faith in yourself?  "

"I do.  I never fail to screw things up.  It's the one thing I can count
on," Carly drawled sarcastically.

"Carly, have you ever thought that maybe if you didn't expect to screw
things up all the time, maybe you wouldn't?"

*~*~*

Jason stepped out of his jeans and into the steamy shower.  He let the
water beat down on his back, his hands finding their way to the wall
opposite the water stream.  He leaned his entire body weight against
that wall and sighed, watching the small water droplets drip from his
forehead to the white porcelain below.

Carly took over his mind, as she usually did when he wasn't thinking
about Sonny or business.  She frustrated the hell out of him, and
everything in his being told him to get out while he still could.  But
could he still?  He had invested himself so deeply into this woman that
sometimes there seemed no getting out.  And most of the time, it was
okay.  Most of the time he was comfortable being that in love with her.
Most of the time it felt right.

Sometimes though, it was frustrating and scary as hell.  Sonny told him
that love never came without a price.  That no matter what, it wasn't
easy.  And that there were always sacrifices staring you in the face.
Every day there was some sort of test of love.  Every day both people
had to make choices.  And true love meant that each and every time, both
people chose each other.

Jason knew that he would choose Carly every time.  No matter what.  Even
over Sonny, and that was saying a lot.  Jason had once told Sonny that
probably the reason he loved Carly so much is that she would never make
him choose.  She understood that he did whatever he had to do and he did
what made him happy.  It wasn't always what was right, and it certainly
wasn't always what was legal, but it was what he needed to do.  So
that's what he did.  Carly never questioned that.

Jason sighed, noticing that the shower had become so hot, his sweat was
now mingling with the water pounding onto his back.  He felt his muscles
tense up, then relax under the insistent massage of heat.  Jason turned
around reluctantly, letting the stream beat down on his chest and ran
his hands through his soaked hair.

"Carly," he groaned, closing his eyes and swallowing back a surprising
onslaught of tears.  "Why do you do this to me?"

*~*~*

Bobbie set a glass of water on the table in front of Carly and took her
seat again.  "Remember the day you left the hospital?  You snuck out and
didn't come back for a year?"

Carly began to cry softly, burying her head in her hands.  "Don't do
this to me, Bobbie."

Bobbie sighed but pressed on.  "Why did you do that?"

"Because I killed a baby!"

Bobbie had no intention of relenting.  "On purpose?  Did you miscarry on
purpose?  Did you Carly?  Cause if you did, I might have a different
opinion of you.  But I know you didn't.  You got scared.  And you ran.
Am I right?"

"What is your point?"  Carly sounded angry now, despite the silent tears
still coursing down her cheeks.

Bobbie was insistent. "Why did you leave?"

"Oh God!  Bobbie!"  Carly exclaimed, her eyes widening.  "I didn't want
to hurt Jason!  Okay?!  We were getting too close and I didn't want to
screw up his life."

"What did you think you were going to do?"  Bobbie asked, not hiding her
annoyance.  "How would you staying have screwed up his life?"

"I don't know,"  Carly sighed.  She didn't really want to get into this
with Bobbie of all people.  But she decided to humor her mother.  She
meant well at least.  "We were wild together.  Just running off whenever
the whim hit us.  We were feeding each other's insecurities.  And
also...I couldn't deal with you.  I couldn't deal with the fact that you
weren't a bitch like I wanted you to be.  I couldn't hate you as much as
I wanted to."

Bobbie smiled a half smile.  "Give me time," she joked.

Carly dropped her head and looked up, rolling her eyes.  Bobbie
recognized the look as a warning to get on with it.  "Okay, seriously.
You came back.  You jumped right back into a relationship with Jason and
you had contact with me again.  So obviously you weren't that scared."

Carly narrowed her eyes.  "Are you saying it was a mistake to come
back?"

"No, I'm asking you why,"  Bobbie explained.  "Why did you come back?"

Carly thought for a moment, biting on her lower lip.  She refused to
make eye contact with her mother.  "I was lost.  I couldn't go one day,
one minute without thinking about Jason. I had to see if he was okay.  I
mean, to tell you the truth, I didn't expect him to even be here
anymore.  But he was.  He grew up.  And I grew up.  And it was different
this time."

"Different how?"

Carly finally looked up at Bobbie, and rubbed her forehead.  "Um,
like...I don't know.  It wasn't all fun and games anymore.  He got shot
and I realized that I might lose him one day.  For real.  Forever.  We
didn't just jump into bed first thing anymore.  I kind of started making
friends, other than Jason.  Okay, I have two friends other than you and
Jason and Sonny but still.  It made this life more real to me."  Carly
began to cry again.  "Things were going so good Bobbie!  Why did this
have to happen?"

Bobbie heaved a sigh.  She felt for her daughter, she truly did.  "Jason
asking you to marry him may have taken you by surprise, and if you're
truly not ready, you should be able to tell him and you guys should be
okay.  But if you're just saying no because you're afraid you might
screw up, that's not fair.  You haven't screwed up yet.  You said
yourself that you were happy lately.  Things were going so good, right?
If we didn't move forward in our lives because we were afraid of what
might happen, we'd all stay stagnant and nothing would ever happen, good
or bad."

"Sometimes that would be just fine with me,"  Carly admitted, smiling
slightly.

Bobbie smiled too.  "Sometimes that would be just fine with everyone.
But if we never had any good moments in our lives, they'd seem kind of
pointless right?  And good and bad don't happen exclusively.  You've
gotta have both. That's just how it is.  You know that.  And I'll ask
you this.  You know that big simple picture you see, when you and Jason
are happy?"

"Yeah."

"You know those scary details that jump out when you least expect it?"

"Yeah."

"If you have Jason to help you with each and every detail, doesn't it
make them not as scary anymore?"

"Oh god, Bobbie.  You sound so corny,"  Carly said laughing.

"I'm sorry!  My advice giving has been limited to Lucas lately so you'll
have to forgive me.  But do you get what I'm saying?"

"Yes, and if you and Jason don't stop spouting the same lines over and
over again I'm going to kill you both."  Carly smiled and took a sip of
the water Bobbie had put in front of her earlier.  She was only half
joking.  Kidding on the square, Virginia liked to call it.

Bobbie smiled too, feeling somewhat, if  not prematurely victorious.
"You know we're right don't you?"

"Yes,"  Carly said softly, if not a bit reluctantly.  She sounded
worried.  "But what if I don't make the right decision Bobbie?"

"I don't see how you can look at Jason, be so in love with him, and
*not* make the right decision."

Carly pictured Jason in her mind and smiled.  "Yeah."

Bobbie nodded slowly, thinking.  "He's not happier without you.  You
know that."

"It's hard to believe, but somehow I know that,"  Carly admitted.

"Then I'm not worried.  I know you want Jason to be happy.  And I know
you know how to do that."  Bobbie spoke with so much confidence, it was
hard for Carly not to feel a little of it too.

"Argh!"  Carly groaned, wiping her damp eyes with the backs of her
hands.  She was determined not to let Bobbie know that she was getting
through to her.  "You are so frustrating you know that?"

"But not once did you get up and leave, or even threaten to leave when
it was getting hairy and I'm proud of you for that,"  Bobbie said,
smiling at her obvious success in the whole conversation.

Carly rolled her eyes and stood up.  "Yeah yeah...don't push it."

"Hey listen,"  Bobbie said, catching Carly by the arm.  "You take care
of yourself and don't forget you're a mommy now."

Carly put her hand over her stomach and closed her eyes briefly.

Bobbie sighed.  "You need to take care of yourself no matter what
happens with Jason.  No matter what you do with this."  She put the
black ring box into Carly 's hand and closed her fingers around it.

"I know.  I'll call you once I see him, okay?"

"Okay.  If you need anything, I'm here.  Remember that."  Bobbie smiled
warmly at Carly as she watched her don her coat.

"I will.  Thank you."  Carly smiled widely and glanced one last time at
her mother, sitting at the kitchen table, staring at the now cold cup of
coffee in front of her.

*~*~*

Jason stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around his waist.
He sighed as he regarded his blurred reflection in the steam-coated
mirror.  As he stepped into his small shabby room that served as his
apartment, the blast of cold air made him shiver.  He quickly dropped
the towel and slipped into a pair of boxer shorts and jeans.

A short knock on the door startled him.  Jason ran his fingers through
his wet hair and stood near the door, his eyes traveling quickly to the
desk drawer where he knew his gun lay.

"Yeah?"

The voice beyond was familiar and Jason sighed in relief.  He tore his
eyes away from the desk and flung open the door.

"Hey man,"  Sonny muttered, giving Jason a once over as he stepped past
him and into the room.  "Don't you ever wear a shirt?  Or do you just
like showing off your muscles?"

Jason laughed and reached for a T-shirt that was flung carelessly on the
back of a chair.  As he pulled it on, Sonny went to stand at the window,
looking down onto the street below.

"What's up, Sonny?"  Jason asked, watching his friend somewhat
nervously.

Sonny turned and crossed his arms over his chest.  He smiled when he
noticed Jason's concern.  "Nothing like that.  I just haven't seen you
in a while and I thought I better come over and find out if
congratulations are in order...?"

Jason chuckled, looking down at the floor.  "Ah, well, you know
Carly..."

Sonny held a hand up and shook his head.  "I don't have the slightest
clue about Carly,"  he warned, his tone taking a serious tenor.  "Jason
what happened?"

Jason was silent for a minute, his hands buried deep in his pockets,
gaze struck to the floor.  "She freaked out," he finally said, his voice
low as he took a seat in the chair nearby.

"What do you mean, 'freaked out'?"  Sonny asked, sitting at the edge of
Jason's bed and watching him intently.  His hands were clasped in front
of him, his elbows rested on his knees.

Jason sighed and rubbed a hand over his face, shaking his head slightly.
"Ah, well..."  he began, clearing his throat.  "She's pregnant."

"What?!"

Jason nodded, keeping his eyes directed toward the floor.  "Yeah.  I
mean, I was surprised but...I mean, I still want to marry her, Sonny."

Sonny nodded and unclasped his hands, wringing them tightly together
then clasping them again.  He felt almost nervous, although he couldn't
quite figure out why.  Then he realized.  Jason had told him that Carly
had miscarried a baby before.  It was the reason she took off in the
first place.

"That other baby..." he began, trying to gage Jason's reaction before he
said too much.

There wasn't a reaction.  Sonny almost laughed at this.  One of Jason's
finest qualities was that he wasn't a reactor.  Whatever was going on
inside his head, was not displayed for the world to see.  Sonny cleared
his throat and decided to go ahead and broach the subject.

"She miscarried before.  Is she scared?"

Jason looked up at Sonny and said seriously, "out of her mind."

"So...?"  Sonny prompted, his curiosity at how the night played out
definitely peaked.

"She refused to marry me.  She didn't even want to look at the ring.
She screamed a lot, and cried a lot.  She told me she couldn't put the
ring on cause she's afraid she'll run scared one day.  She said she
wanted to run right then."

Sonny shook, his head.  "Carly's gotta learn one day that you can't run
from your life.  You can't run every time something gets scary."

Jason nodded.  "I told her.  But you know what Sonny?  Everyone can tell
her and she won't listen.  She doesn't listen to anyone.  I mean, how
many times can I tell her that she's not ruining my life?  How many
times can I tell her that I love her and we can get through anything?
How many times can I tell her I'm going to protect her?  How many times,
Sonny?!"

Jason groaned and brought his fists down to his thighs.  He tried
desperately to regain control of his emotions.  The frustration coursing
through him surfaced at odd and inopportune times.

"I punched a hole in her wall,"  Jason revealed quietly, clearly not
proud of his actions.  "She's driving me nuts, Sonny,  she really is.  I
have no idea what to do."

Sonny sighed, wishing he could help his friend.  "How did it end?  I
mean, where did you leave it?"

Jason closed his eyes and rubbed his temples in small circular motions
with his fingers.  "Yesterday morning.  We fought most of the night then
started up again in the morning.  She said something pissy to me,
something about how we should just stick to sex, and I left.  She gets
that way when she's mad.  She gets sarcastic and mean."

Sonny shook his head, then chuckled a bit.  "It's funny how she and
Brenda don't like each other.  They are so much alike, they should be
best friends."

Jason let out a short scoff.  "I don't think that would ever happen."

Sonny nodded slowly.  "Yeah..."  he seemed to be lost in a thought.  He
shook his head, almost like he was shaking the memory out of it.
"Anyway, how did you leave it?  Is she mad at you?  Is she thinking?
What?"

Jason cleared his throat and leaned back in the chair.  "I didn't see
her the rest of the day yesterday. I tried to call last night but she
wasn't home.  Or she didn't pick up.  This morning, I just woke up and
got out of the shower when you got here.  She has the ring...I left it
with her.  I told her I still wanted to marry her.  I just...I'm scared
Sonny.  I mean, she said she's probably gonna get so scared that she
takes off.  That's why she wouldn't promise to marry me.  What if she
does and she has this kid and I never see it?  I can't imagine never
seeing her again."

Sonny frowned, his forehead wrinkling in concern.  "You gotta stop her
from running, Jason.  It's as simple as that."  Sonny sounded sure, and
confident.  His words made the suggestion sound like the easiest thing
in the world.

"How do you suggest I do that?"  Jason asked, aggravation creeping into
his voice.  He got up and went to stand by the window, occupying the
space Sonny had recently stood.

Sonny stood and opened the refrigerator, staring inside before shutting
the door and leaning against the cool metal.  "I don't know, Jason.
Take her right now, today, and marry her.  Force her to believe you.
Tattoo it on your forehead.  I don't know.  You have to figure it out
and you have to do it."

Jason turned away from the window and peered curiously at Sonny.
"You're a huge help, thank you,"  he muttered sarcastically.  "Is love
always going to be this complicated?"

Sonny laughed and went over to the window, patting Jason on the back.
"You ain't seen nothing yet kid."

*~*~*

Carly stepped out of Bobbie's house and squeezed the ring box in her
hand.  She swallowed hard and managed to bring her eyes down to it,
flipping it open and watching as the diamond sparkled in the sun.  She
smiled, in spite of herself, and pulled the ring out, holding the thin
gold band between her fingers and bringing it up to her face, inspecting
the diamond.

God, what a beautiful cut.  She couldn't resist slipping it onto her
left ring finger.  It looked perfect.  Like it belonged there.  Carly
swallowed hard and blinked back tears.  What the hell was she going to
do?  She wanted so badly to wear it, like it was the most natural thing
in the world.  Like nothing else could possibly go wrong.  But something
in her screamed that for her, Carly Roberts, Benson, Spencer,
whatever...was not going to have that.  No way.  No perfect life for
her.

Carly laughed out loud.  What a joke.  She slipped the empty velvet box
back into her purse and started the short walk home, leaving the ring on
her finger...as though for one beautiful moment, she could pretend that
it would stay there forever.

As Carly stepped off the elevator on her floor and sauntered over to her
apartment, she barely noticed AJ exiting his own place.

"Hey stranger!" he exclaimed, clearly happy to see her.

Carly smiled slightly, feeling numb to everything at that moment.
"Hey," she muttered, her voice devoid of emotion.

"How have you--"  AJ stopped himself in mid sentence, his eyes
transfixed on her left hand.

Carly stared at him strangely as she finished unlocking her door.
"What?"  She sounded annoyed until her gaze followed his to her exposed
hand, the ring glinting obnoxiously against her creamy skin.

"Oh god..."

AJ stepped forward, catching her hand in his and bringing the assaulting
ring up to his face for a closer look.  "Wow," he managed to squeak out,
apparently flustered and definitely caught by surprise.  "Is this
from...I mean, of course it's from Jason..."

Carly nodded resolutely, wishing AJ would just magically disappear.
"Yeah, okay, well I gotta go..."

AJ grabbed Carly by the arm and restrained her from entering her
apartment.  "Wait, wait a sec...Carly...come on.  What's going on?"

Carly sighed heavily and rolled her eyes.  "Let go of me," she growled,
her eyes flashing anger.

AJ immediately let go of Carly's arm, his eyes radiating complete and
utter confusion.  "Carly, what is going on?"  He sounded concerned, and
slightly nervous.

Carly groaned and shuddered in discomfort.  "I just...I don't want to
talk about it."  Her hand had disappeared behind her, as though hiding
the ring would make AJ suddenly forget what he saw.

AJ smiled slightly in disbelief and reached up, absently tucking a
strand of hair behind Carly's ear.  "Isn't this something that you're
supposed to be happy about?"

"It's more complicated than that AJ," Carly said, flinching away as AJ
reached up to touch her.  She wanted to be alone with her thoughts so
badly she could barely manage to get any words out.  What the hell was
going to happen now?  AJ would tell all of the Quartermaines, then it
would be all over the hospital.  Oh god...she had to stay in the hall
with him long enough to convince him not to say anything.

AJ screwed up his face in confusion.  "What does that mean?  You are
engaged right?  That is why you have a *huge* diamond on your finger
right?"

Carly winced at AJ's exaggeration of the diamond's size.  She swallowed
hard, unsure of how to explain that she was just 'trying it on'. How
lame did that sound?  What else was she supposed to say?  Most people
who wore an engagement ring were *engaged*.

"It's just...AJ, it's not set in stone.  Please don't tell anyone okay?"

AJ narrowed his eyes at Carly and pursed his lips.  "Does this have
anything to do with the considerable fight you and Jase had the other
night?"

It was Carly's turn to watch AJ with bemusement.  "How do you know Jason
and I had a fight the other night?"  Her voice took on an accusatory
tone, as though AJ had somehow witnessed a private moment between
herself and Jason.

AJ pointed to his door and smirked.  "I live right over there."

Carly frowned at him and opened her door a little wider, ready to go
inside.  "You know, you look like your cousin Ned when you smirk like
that."

AJ's expression dropped suddenly and he tilted his head, gazing at Carly
with reproach.  "Insulting me is *not* the way to get me to keep my
mouth shut."

Carly sighed and tapped her foot impatiently.  "I'm *sorry*," she
relented, leaning forward as she said it.  "I didn't exactly say yes to
Jason, okay?  There's a lot more going on than you know.  So just don't
say anything to anyone, okay?  Please?"

AJ was silent,  seemingly thinking it over.

"Okay, AJ, please?!"  Carly begged, grasping on to AJ's arm with her
right hand, as though this slight touch would somehow convince him to go
along with whatever she requested.

It worked.  AJ looked down at Carly's hand on him and felt a familiar
tingling sensation rush through his skin.  Why did she have this affect
on him?  AJ cleared his throat and forced himself to think clearly.

"Okay," he relented quietly.

Carly beamed and leaned up to kiss him on the cheek.  "Thank you so much
AJ," she gushed, quickly taking the ring off and putting it back in her
pocket.  "Thank you, I mean it."

AJ nodded.  "I know you do," he sighed, raising his eyebrows.  "You know
I'd do anything to help you."

Carly nodded shyly, biting down on her bottom lip and teetering on her
feet, clearly excited that AJ would indeed keep her secret.  AJ knew
somehow there was a lot more to this than Carly was letting on.

"Hey, just know that I'm here for you, Carly,"  AJ pressed, his voice
low and quiet.  He brushed her arm slightly with the tips of his
fingers, feeling a lump swell in his throat.

Carly nodded again, the reality of what was going on suddenly crashing
in on her.  She felt like bursting into tears at that very moment.
Instead, she swallowed hard and plastered a wide grin on her face.

"I know that AJ, and that means the world to me.  It really does.  You
are really a great friend."

AJ smiled, watching as Carly disappeared into her apartment.  He was
bound and determined to find out what was going on...and if Carly wasn't
going to tell him, he'd find someone who would.

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