"Hey.  Where were you?"

"Picking your anniversary present up."

"You didn't have to do that."

"Yes I did.  Actually I was gonna save it for Christmas but I got a
little excited about it and decided that you should have it before."

"What is it?"

"Open it and find out."  She handed him a box.

"Okay."  Sonny opened the box top and took out a Christmas ornament.  It
was a blue glass ball with Sonny written on it in silver block letters.

"Do you like it?"

"I love it.  I just don't understand."

"It's kind of a tradition.  All of our family and close friends have
Christmas ornaments with their names on them and every year they come
over and hang them.  Robin used to hang Stone's and last year Scorpio
hung Mike's.  I remember the first time I hung Alex's.  Julia had it
made when she was born and sent it to me.  I hang Alex's and Ned for
some bizarre reason always wants to hang Julia's.  Maybe it's residual
feelings or something."

"Holding on to someone he'll always feel something for?"

"Yeah.  But they didn't exactly part on the best of terms."

"Oh yeah?  What happened?"

"He caught her with AJ."

"You're kidding?"

"Nope."

"No accounting for taste."

"AJ's not all bad.  Actually he's a pretty good kisser."

"What?  When did you kiss AJ?"

"When we were teenagers."

"Oh." He smiled sheepishly.

"You were jealous." She teased.

"Was not." He mumbled as he studied the ornament he held.

"Aww honey.  If it makes you feel any better I slapped AJ after he
kissed me."

"A little." He admitted.

"C'mere." She put his arms around him.  "I never want to kiss anyone but
you for the rest of my life."

"Good because I don't plan on letting you kiss anyone else for the rest
of your life." He said as he kissed her.  Things were getting intense
when the phone rang.

"I hate phones." Brenda whined.

"Me too." Sonny said as he picked it up and hit talk.  "Corinthos."

"Sonny?  It's Jason."

"Hey man what's up?"

"I've got some good news."

"Oh yeah?  What?"

"I think we found Alex."
 

Brenda watched Sonny's blank expression as he talked on the phone. "Uh
huh. . .alright. . . Great, thanks, man. . . Yeah, I'll tell her. .
.Alright. . .Yeah, bye."

Brenda watched Sonny with curiosity. He threw the phone down onto the
couch and turned to her. "Who was that?"

"Jason."

"Oh My God, does he know something?"

Sonny nodded and walked over to her. "Sit down."

"Oh my God. . ." Brenda's eyes filled with tears. "Sonny, why am I
feeling like what you're about to tell me. . .is something that I don't
want to hear?"

He sat her down and then sat next to her. "Sweetheart?"

"Yes."

"Jason thinks that he's found Alex."

Brenda gasped. "What!? Oh my God, is she okay? Is she- Oh, no, Sonny-"

"No, no, no, wait, sweetheart. See, this is why I didn't want to tell
you, you're getting to worked up. Calm down." He took her face in his
hands and placed his forehead against hers.  "He's going to go and
follow up on the lead and let us know-"

"I want to be with him-" She rushed to her feet just as Sonny said,

"No!"

Brenda turned to him, her long hair flying into her tear-stained face.
"What?"

"Baby, you're going to sit here in this house with me, let me cook you
some dinner, you're going to relax. You're four months pregnant, this is
no time to be getting all excited."

"But, Sonny, that's my baby out there!" She pointed out the window in
panic.  "She needs me. . ." Her face crumpled and her hands flew into
her face as she broke down into tears. Sonny sighed and enveloped her
into his arms and squeezed her tightly as she wept into his arms. After
a few minutes, Brenda sighed and wrenched herself away from her husband.
She brushed her tears away and shook her head. "Hmm. No crying," She
sighed and looked into Sonny's concerned brown eyes. "It's hard to be
brave when you're staring right through me."

Sonny smiled and put her hand against his cheek. "You said that to me
before, remember?"

Brenda nodded. "Yeah, I do." She looked around impatiently. "How long
will it take Jason to check things out?"

Sonny shrugged. "A few hours. Don't worry baby, he promises me that
he'll call as soon as he finds something out. You know that this is
best, for the baby.  And for you." Brenda nodded again, but said
nothing. They were silent for a few moments, before Sonny took both of
her hands in his and gazed at them, at her long, beautiful fingers and
neatly manicured fingers. He twirled her diamond around her finger, and
then raised them to his mouth to kiss them. "Come on, sweetheart, let me
go fix you some food, okay?"

* * * * * * * * *

Three hours later, they were sitting on the floor in the living room,
leaning against the couch, Brenda's arms crossed over Sonny's. She held
a plate of cheesecake in her hand and quickly scooped up a little bit
onto her fork.  "Eat!" She ordered Sonny, and led the fork into his
mouth. They laughed together as he hungrily devoured the chunk and then
got Brenda her own piece.  They continued to feed each other for a
little bit, and sat in front of the small fire that they had burned.
Brenda rested her head on Sonny's shoulder, mumbling, "Sonny. . .I'm
going insane waiting here. I feel like I'm being a bad mother! I should
be out there. . .looking for my daughter, instead of having Jason do it!
Why am I in here like a helpless little puppy?"

"Baby, we talked about this, you know that it's best!"

"But I hate feeling this way! You know how much I hate this feeling!"
She turned to look at him. "I hate it so much that I could. . .ARGH! I
could scream!"

"Go ahead!" Sonny offered.

Brenda looked at him as if he had just told her hair was blue. "Huh?"

"Go ahead and scream. Let it out. It's for the best, anyways."

Brenda rolled her eyes at him, but smiled. Her smile faded when the
telephone rang. It sounded shrill and fierce, loud, urgent. Brenda
shrieked and rushed to her feet, slamming down hard on Sonny's leg in
the process. "Ow! Oooh, shit, dammit, baby, that hurt!"

"Oh! Oh! Oh! I'm sorry!" Brenda went to put an apologetic hand on his
leg, but he rushed away from her. She began to fly frantically about the
living room. "Sonny! Sonny, where's the phone! Where-where's the
phone!?"

"Calm down, calm down, it's right here." He laughed and picked it up.
Brenda stood across the room from him, her hair wildly placed about her
head. She smiled excitedly, having a feeling that this call was about
Alex. She clasped her hands together in anxiety as Sonny picked the
phone up, pressed talk and said, "Corinthos."

Brenda watched as he listened intently. "Jase? Good, what'd you find
out?" Brenda's face, somehow, grew brighter and wider with a smile of
joy. She watched as Sonny's face, however, drew into a frown. A deep,
set frown. Something was wrong. Terribly wrong. "Alright. . . Thanks,
Jason. . . Uh-huh. Yeah, I'll tell her. . .somehow. Thanks, man. . .
Bye." Brenda's face fell as Sonny shook his head sadly and dropped the
phone on the couch, beside the anniversary present she had given him. He
looked down at his feet for a moment, trying to get the strength up to
tell her.

"Sonny!" Brenda rushed over to him. "Sonny, tell me! Please." He looked
up and then down into her pleading face.

His heart broke as he whispered, "I'm so sorry, baby, I'm sorry. She's-"

"No!" Brenda whispered, shaking her head in disbelief. "No, she's not-"

"Yes, Jason. . . He found her bod-"

"Don't say it!" Brenda cried, as tears fell down her face. "Saying
it-saying it makes it more real and this is NOT real!" She looked around
frantically. "This is a dream, Sonny, and I'm going to wake up from it!
I'm going to wake up and Alex is going to be. . .right down the hall,
and I'm going to hold her and she's going to KNOW that I love her, she's
not gone! I won't except that!"

Sonny frowned and felt a tear slide down her cheek. "Sweetheart, baby,
look at me. LOOK AT ME." She brought her eyes up to his, shaking her
head slightly.

"Sonny. . ." Her voice lowered an octave and she pleaded, "Please tell
me I'm going to wake up. Please."

He pulled her against him and held her tightly. "I'm sorry, sweetheart.
I'm so sorry." He squeezed her tighter as her sobs and shudders began to
get out of control.  "Jesus, I'm so sorry. . ."
 

Brenda was lying in bed with her eyes closed one afternoon when she
heard the door slowly creek open and tiny footsteps on the floor.
Knowing it wasn't Sonny she kept her eyes closed until she felt the
person brush her hand with her hair.  She opened one eye and saw the top
of Morgan's head at the edge of her bed.

"Morgan?"  She whispered.

Morgan bobbed up and looked at her mother with wide eyes.  "I'm sorry
Mommy.  Daddy said I wasn't apposed to come in here a cause you were
sleeping but I had to find Harley." She said holding up her teddy bear.

Brenda couldn't help but smile at her daughter. "Well I'm not sleeping
now so it's okay."

"Really?"

"Yep.  Why don't you crawl up here with me?"

"Really?"

"Sure."  Brenda pushed back the covers and Morgan crawled under them
with her and snuggled up next to her.  "What's wrong sweetie?"

"How do you know something's wrong?"

"Because I'm your mommy.  I know when something's wrong."

"I was worried about you."

"Why?"

"Cause Daddy said you were sad."

"Well Daddy's right.  I am sad.  Very sad."

"How come?"

"I lost someone very special to me."

"Did you lose the baby in your tummy?"

"No I didn't but I did lose a child."

"Who?"

"It's a long story baby."

"I have time."  Brenda smiled at her daughter.

"Maybe later, okay?"

"Okay Mommy.  Mommy?"

"Yeah Baby?"

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Hey what's for dinner?"  Sonny looked up when he heard Brenda's voice.
She was standing in the door wearing a pair of his sweatpants and a tank
top.  Her hair was wet and it hung around her shoulders.

"Brenda?"

"Hey honey."

"What are you doing down here?"

"Well to be perfectly honest I decided it was time to stop being alone.
I missed you and the kids and also I figured if I stayed in bed much
longer I wouldn't have a house left." She said as she sat down across
from him.

"Very funny."  He reached across the table and held her hand.  "I love
you."

"I love you too."  She listened to the radio for a minute.  "Let's
dance."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." Brenda got up and pulled Sonny into her arms.

The strands in your eyes that color them wonderful
Stop me and steal my breath
Emeralds from mountains thrust towards the sky
Never revealing their depth
Tell me that we belong together
Dress it up with the trappings of love
I'll be captivated, I'll hang from our lips
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above

I'll be your cryin shoulder
I'll be love suicide
I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the greatest fan of you life

Rain falls...angry on the tin roof
As we lie awake in my bed
You're my survival, you're my living proof
My love is alive and not dead
Tell me that we belong together
Dress it up with the trappings of love
I'll be captivated, I'll hang from you lips
Instead of the gallows of heart ache that hang from above

I'll be your cryin shoulder
Ill be love suicide
I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the greatest fan of you life

I've dropped out, burned up, fought my way back from the dead
Tuned in, turned on, remembered the words that you said

I'll be your cryin shoulder
Ill be love suicide
I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the greatest fan of you life

Brenda laid her head on Sonny's shoulder as they swayed to the music.
Sonny felt her warm breath on his neck and smiled.  He knew it'd be a
while before she was really and truly alright but this was a good start.
 
 

Carly frowned as Brenda sat down across from her at their table in the
Port Charles Grille. Brenda watched as Carly's left hand slowly reached
out for hers. Brenda gazed at the diamond encrusted gold band on Carly's
ring finger and whispered, "How's Jason?"

Carly sighed. "Jason's fine, Bren. How are you? Sonny told me you were
taking things pretty hard. . ."

Brenda shrugged and began to twirl her wedding ring around her finger
unconsciously. "Yeah, I am, Carly. I am. But I have Sonny, he's
wonderful.  He's understanding and loving and patient. It's like he's a
totally different person."

"Sonny's not the only person you have." Brenda looked up at Carly across
the table. "You have me. And Jason, and Lois and Alexis and Ned and your
children, *all* of the Qs, you know that Luke and Laura ADORE you, and
even you and Lizzie have become friends."

Brenda bit her lip, nodding. "Then why do I still feel so empty, Carly?
Why do I feel as if my heart has been ripped from it's place in my chest
and been thrown into a vat of boiling acid? Even being married to the
most handsome, loving, sexy man in this entire world. . .can't stop me
from feeling as if my world has ended."

"Baby, that's normal." When Brenda shook her head in disbelief, still
gazing down at her napkin, Carly prodded, "It *is*, Brenda! All you can
do is let the people who love you be there for you. You can't push them
away. You *can't*!" Brenda ran a hand through her hair and fought back
the urge to cry. As she brought her head up, a figure in the doorway of
the restaurant. Carly watched as her face drained of color, and then
became bright red with fury. She gasped as Brenda stormed to her feet,
knocking her chair and water glass down. "Bren-Brenda!" Carly spun
around and saw Jax standing in the doorway, waiting to be seated. Brenda
rushed over to him, as fast as her three inch heeled shoes would allow.
Carly was right behind her, but didn't make it in time to pull Brenda
off of him as she screamed,

"Murderer!" Brenda launched herself at Jax, shrieking and slapping and
punching him. Jax feebly tried to fight off her flailing fists, as
waiters and customers turned to look at what the commotion was.

"Brenda! Dammit, Brenda!" Carly yanked her friend off of Jax, trying to
hush her.

"You killed my little girl!" Brenda cried, angrily wiping at the tears
that fell down her face.

"Brenda, stop it!" Carly hissed, her grip on Brenda's arms tightening.

"She was my daughter too, Brenda!" Jax snapped angrily. "I would NEVER,
EVER harm her, for any reason, for anything in the world!"

Brenda shook her head furiously as more tears fell. "I hate you, Jax! I
hate you! I never thought I would look at you and hate you, but I do!
And you can tell the rest of your damn family that I *HATE* them too!!!"
Carly began to gently pull Brenda back, but she shook her head,
snapping, "No!" and yanked herself away. Carly watched helplessly as
Brenda grabbed her bag and stormed out of the restaurant.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Sonny was looking over some files in Luke's when the telephone rang. He
sighed and reached over for it. "Luke's, Corinthos speaking."

"Sonny?"

"Carly?"

"Yeah, hi, listen-"

"Hey. What's up?"

"Is Brenda there?" Carly sounded frantic.

"No, she said she was having lunch with you, why?"

"Because she. . .she had a run in with Jax-"

"Dammit," Sonny hissed under his breath, running a hand through his
disheveled hair.

"Yeah. She's really upset, I think she needs. . .I think she needs you
right now, okay? So, if she-"

Just then, Sonny's attention was adverted when a sobbing Brenda came
rushing into the office. She was wearing a beautiful lavender sweater
suit, a short lavender skirt and a matching jacket. Her beautiful face,
which she had spent 45 minutes applying make-up to that morning, was red
and streaked with black tears, made that way from her supposedly
waterproof mascara.

"Carly?"

"Yeah?"

"She's here, I'll call you back." Sonny hung up the phone and stood up.

"Baby?"

"Hold me!" Brenda choked out. "Please."

Sonny sighed as he slid his arms around her. She buried her face in his
chest. "Ah, baby." He stroked her hair. "It's going to get better, I
promise. The pain'll go away."

Brenda hiccuped a sob and looked up into his face. "It hurts so much,
Sonny, I don't know how to get through it. It hurts even more than when
I lost you, Sonny, I feel like...I'll never get through this without
you. I need you so much-"

Sonny lowered his head, taking her face in his hands. He stroked her
hair away from her face with his thumbs, and then kissed her softly.
"Come on, baby, let's go home." Sliding an arm around her, Sonny led
Brenda out of the office.


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